I can’t pretend that I know anything about the trauma and grief that the people in CT are living and feeling today. I can’t assume that I mourn with them or relate on any level. I cannot. And I can’t attempt to explain why God allowed this horrific tragedy to happen. I absolutely cannot fathom the depth of knowledge (for lack of a better word) of my God. I know He is sovereign Every. Single. Day. That is what I can cling to during times like this.
Another thing I can’t do is discuss gun control. I have strong opinions regarding this but honestly, don’t go there with me for a while. These families deserve so much more than to turn this tragedy into a political quarrel. Even more important than that, God deserves so much more. How quickly we jump to gun control and ignore the absence of God in our lives! Do you really think taking away a gun is going to solve the issue of violence? Fellow brother and sister in Christ, I’m looking you dead in the eyes and challenging you! Was Jesus concerned with weapons? Would He handle this situation this way? No, I don’t believe this is the approach He’d take. I believe He’d have us repent and pray. Prayer? You know that thing you can still do anytime, anywhere, for anyone?
Yes, I’m fired up. I’m angry at the situation, the response to the situation, and myself. I write this post out of personal conviction knowing that I’ve felt convicted to set up a prayer group at my daughter’s preschool for a year now. Did I? No. Do you pray for your child’s school, students, and staff? We may not have prayer in school, but you can’t stop me from praying for the school. Hear me clearly now, I am in no way implying that this event occurred because the CT school wasn’t being prayed over. Neither am I hoping that prayer will prevent bad things from happening. However, I do believe in the power of prayer and if I do not begin praying over my daughter’s school, it’s out of obvious selfishness and rebellion against God. I’d like to challenge you reader, to consider praying over your school. Last year I began to pray for Aisley’s school on my own using this resource: http://www.momsintouch.org/
You can use any format, organization, or group that you want. The point is to gather in the name of Christ and pray faithfully over the school, staff, and children. Begin with an attitude of reverence and thanksgiving for the school, praising God for all of our blessings. Then cover the school in prayer not only for safety from terrible situations, but for the children’s’ innocence, salvation, courage, integrity, health, and kind hearts. Pray that the staff will have renewed patience, gentleness, kindness, strength, and tolerance. Pray for each person’s family and home life. Pray for specific situations as they arise.
Why wouldn’t we pray for the people who spend most of the day with our children? Why wouldn’t we be concerned with the home life of the peers who directly influence our precious children? Can’t we see how they encourage and nurture each other or bully and torment each other?
Pardon me for wondering why we’re so quick to blame gun control when we should really be doing a little Christian soul searching. Maybe if we focused more on what we as individuals should be doing, we wouldn’t have to argue about guns.
I have to conclude that as a Christian who is humbly and imperfectly trying to live a Biblical life, if I’m worried about gun control, I’m not focused on the right thing. Today, out of respect for the victims in CT and in trust that God uses all things for our good and His glory, I’m committing to doing my part to make something good of this situation. Tomorrow I will approach our preschool and join an existing prayer group or begin one. I hope you will consider doing the same. The above link offers awesome resources for this kind of group. Let’s makes some real and permanent changes for the Kingdom, friends. Let’s focus our hearts not on what’s seen, but what is unseen.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Updates...again.
Blogging is very intimidating! Part of me thinks “My! Aren’t you full of yourself? Throwing your opinions out there as if anyone really wants to read them!” Another part of me is totally defeated by comparison to spiritually mature bloggers who have wisdom and experience to back their opinions. For now, I’ll continue to sort through life, parenting, adoption, and faith the best I can for those of you who choose to follow. Maybe you’ll learn from my mistakes. :)
On to the exciting news: the whole in the wall is done! YAY! We no longer have a live electrical wire dangling from the ceiling or chunks of plaster falling from the walls. It’s beautiful and FINISHED! Even better is the fact that we PASSED our fire inspection! This is HUGE, y’all!
Want more? We’ve completed all of our online training and are 95% finished with all paperwork! Can you believe it? I can’t. I never thought I’d get through that personal profile. Yuck!
It’s becoming very real now. Here’s what lies ahead:
Wrap up the home study:
We’ll meet with our case worker several times, do a home safety inspection, and pray that he approves us for adoption. If he approves us we’ll move to the next step. If he doesn’t, we’ll humbly send letters of apology and return checks to our kind supporters. But I’m confident this is God’s route for us, so let’s move on to the next step.
Dossier:
This is a whole mess of paperwork very similar to what was submitted for the home study, but in more detail. Copies of bank statements, proof of ownership, certified and notarized this, that, and the other. It’s a long list of things that don’t require me to psychoanalyze myself and for that, I’m grateful. Once everything is perfect, the home study and dossier will be sent to the Ethiopian Embassy for authentication and translation.
Then we wait for a referral. I’ve decided not to discuss the referal until our home study is approved. I don’t want to get too far ahead.
For now, please join us in praying for a successful and approved home study!
On to the exciting news: the whole in the wall is done! YAY! We no longer have a live electrical wire dangling from the ceiling or chunks of plaster falling from the walls. It’s beautiful and FINISHED! Even better is the fact that we PASSED our fire inspection! This is HUGE, y’all!
Want more? We’ve completed all of our online training and are 95% finished with all paperwork! Can you believe it? I can’t. I never thought I’d get through that personal profile. Yuck!
It’s becoming very real now. Here’s what lies ahead:
Wrap up the home study:
We’ll meet with our case worker several times, do a home safety inspection, and pray that he approves us for adoption. If he approves us we’ll move to the next step. If he doesn’t, we’ll humbly send letters of apology and return checks to our kind supporters. But I’m confident this is God’s route for us, so let’s move on to the next step.
Dossier:
This is a whole mess of paperwork very similar to what was submitted for the home study, but in more detail. Copies of bank statements, proof of ownership, certified and notarized this, that, and the other. It’s a long list of things that don’t require me to psychoanalyze myself and for that, I’m grateful. Once everything is perfect, the home study and dossier will be sent to the Ethiopian Embassy for authentication and translation.
Then we wait for a referral. I’ve decided not to discuss the referal until our home study is approved. I don’t want to get too far ahead.
For now, please join us in praying for a successful and approved home study!
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
How about an adoption update?
I wish I could give you more, but there really is no news. We’re so close to finishing up paperwork and training and should get the remodeling done in the next week or two. I’m not sure if I’ve actually explained much about the paperwork I keep mentioning, so let me elaborate. Carey and I have to be cleared at the local, state, and federal levels in regards to child endangerment history or any other criminal record. We submit all financial statements, bank statements, proof of house, car, medical, insurance, proof that insurance will cover the adopted child, proof of life insurance, proof of employment, tax documents, proof of pet vaccinations, medical statements for all four of us, 7 lengthy referrals, many notarized forms, individual profiles, 10 hours of online training, and the super difficult educational workbook. Once we’ve completed and gathered everything we’re required to submit, we’ll have a fire inspection done, and finally start meeting with our caseworker and he’ll do the home safety audit.
I’ve had friends who flew through this process and didn’t have a single bump in the road. I am certainly not that person.
For instance: there were about 25 cans of paint stored in our basement within a few feet of the water heater and furnace. Oops! There were “dangerous” items in every room of our house: screws, scissors, tools, medicine, cleaning products. Obviously they weren’t in a place where my kiddos could get them, but they all have to be stored appropriately and locked. I had to remove the old fashion hinge locks from the closets upstairs and remove the pile of toys, shoes, and jackets typically stored at the foot of the stairs because the interfere with our fire escape route.
Fire escape route? Yes. They should be posted on each level of the house and there should be proof of routine fire drills. Aisley did not handle this well. In her sweet little mind, the thought of a fire ever causing her to climb out her bedroom window had never occurred. Terrified. Yes, she is. I’ve damaged my child.
Also, let me say that the amount of personal reflection required through our workbook is gruesome. Everyone has some sort of baggage from their past, it’s what shapes us as a person, giving us unique approaches and contributions to life. I just wasn’t aware of some of my baggage. Not only have I damaged my child, now I’m ripping open my own wounds and pouring salt in them. Ok, that was totally exaggerated. :) The reflection part hasn’t been easy, but I think it will be helpful in understanding and adapting to the needs of my loved ones.
Finally, we have updates on finances. I hesitate to mention this because it’s such a tiny issue and there’s so much more to our adoption story than stinkin’ money, but I truly believe that this is an area where God is going to move mountains and I want to be careful to give Him all of the glory for our success. In order to do that, it’s important to be as humble as possible and plainly state that He has brought in enough through Carey’s extra shifts, donations, bracelet sales to cover all home study related fees, repair the wall and electrical issue, and put down new flooring. (Flooring: this is a new problem and it’s totally not cosmetic. Last year I had enough of the stinky, stained carpet in our living room. I took it upon myself to impulsively rip it up and take a chance on what was below. Luckily, there was beautiful, original, wood flooring below, but it was parquet wood tiling. We hoped it would last a few years but one by one, the 72 year old tiles popped up, cracked, and broke. We tried all sorts of different adhesive techniques, and finally had to admit defeat last week when we realized the floor was a major safety issue because of its uneven surface and risk of asbestos. Fortunately, we live in a tiny house and won’t be buying thousands of square feet of flooring!)
We still have a huge hurdle ahead of us: home study approval. We were approved to apply for adoption, now we have to have home study approval to move forward. Once we start meeting with our caseworker, he’ll evaluate our mental, emotional, physical, and financial, ability to adopt. I hope I’m not ahead of myself or deceived in saying that I’m confident that we’ll pass 3 out of those four areas. My faith is in God as He continues to mature us and provide for us financially.
Continue to remember our journey in prayer, especially our little one in waiting. Thanks, friends!
I wish I could give you more, but there really is no news. We’re so close to finishing up paperwork and training and should get the remodeling done in the next week or two. I’m not sure if I’ve actually explained much about the paperwork I keep mentioning, so let me elaborate. Carey and I have to be cleared at the local, state, and federal levels in regards to child endangerment history or any other criminal record. We submit all financial statements, bank statements, proof of house, car, medical, insurance, proof that insurance will cover the adopted child, proof of life insurance, proof of employment, tax documents, proof of pet vaccinations, medical statements for all four of us, 7 lengthy referrals, many notarized forms, individual profiles, 10 hours of online training, and the super difficult educational workbook. Once we’ve completed and gathered everything we’re required to submit, we’ll have a fire inspection done, and finally start meeting with our caseworker and he’ll do the home safety audit.
I’ve had friends who flew through this process and didn’t have a single bump in the road. I am certainly not that person.
For instance: there were about 25 cans of paint stored in our basement within a few feet of the water heater and furnace. Oops! There were “dangerous” items in every room of our house: screws, scissors, tools, medicine, cleaning products. Obviously they weren’t in a place where my kiddos could get them, but they all have to be stored appropriately and locked. I had to remove the old fashion hinge locks from the closets upstairs and remove the pile of toys, shoes, and jackets typically stored at the foot of the stairs because the interfere with our fire escape route.
Fire escape route? Yes. They should be posted on each level of the house and there should be proof of routine fire drills. Aisley did not handle this well. In her sweet little mind, the thought of a fire ever causing her to climb out her bedroom window had never occurred. Terrified. Yes, she is. I’ve damaged my child.
Also, let me say that the amount of personal reflection required through our workbook is gruesome. Everyone has some sort of baggage from their past, it’s what shapes us as a person, giving us unique approaches and contributions to life. I just wasn’t aware of some of my baggage. Not only have I damaged my child, now I’m ripping open my own wounds and pouring salt in them. Ok, that was totally exaggerated. :) The reflection part hasn’t been easy, but I think it will be helpful in understanding and adapting to the needs of my loved ones.
Finally, we have updates on finances. I hesitate to mention this because it’s such a tiny issue and there’s so much more to our adoption story than stinkin’ money, but I truly believe that this is an area where God is going to move mountains and I want to be careful to give Him all of the glory for our success. In order to do that, it’s important to be as humble as possible and plainly state that He has brought in enough through Carey’s extra shifts, donations, bracelet sales to cover all home study related fees, repair the wall and electrical issue, and put down new flooring. (Flooring: this is a new problem and it’s totally not cosmetic. Last year I had enough of the stinky, stained carpet in our living room. I took it upon myself to impulsively rip it up and take a chance on what was below. Luckily, there was beautiful, original, wood flooring below, but it was parquet wood tiling. We hoped it would last a few years but one by one, the 72 year old tiles popped up, cracked, and broke. We tried all sorts of different adhesive techniques, and finally had to admit defeat last week when we realized the floor was a major safety issue because of its uneven surface and risk of asbestos. Fortunately, we live in a tiny house and won’t be buying thousands of square feet of flooring!)
We still have a huge hurdle ahead of us: home study approval. We were approved to apply for adoption, now we have to have home study approval to move forward. Once we start meeting with our caseworker, he’ll evaluate our mental, emotional, physical, and financial, ability to adopt. I hope I’m not ahead of myself or deceived in saying that I’m confident that we’ll pass 3 out of those four areas. My faith is in God as He continues to mature us and provide for us financially.
Continue to remember our journey in prayer, especially our little one in waiting. Thanks, friends!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Christmas with toddlers
So, how's your Christmas shopping going? Is anyone else torn to pieces this time of year when it comes to spending and giving? You'd think after all of my ranting about the poverty crises of the world, that I wouldn't have much of a battle, but I do. I really do. I LOVE giving gifts. I especially love giving them to a rotten pair of toddlers around here. But about 5o thousand times a day I kick, trip over, and sit on, an abundance of toys. Check the crevasses of my couch and you’ll find a dozen pet shop critters, handfuls of legos, and a remote or two. All of this along with the mounds of toys in the basement and closets prove that we DO NOT need any more toys. And yet…there will be toys for Christmas. Unless Aisley gets her way and Santa brings her a white pony. (Dear Santa, she’s already got a white pony. See picture below.)
Fortunately for me, the grandparents are all awesome gift givers. That leaves only a few things for us to give from Santa. This year Santa is bringing the Let’s Play School Doll from Nenuco and Alphie the learning robot. Santa and the grandparents will undoubtedly score major points as Aisley is now old enough to realize that Mom and Dad only added to the book collection. So lame.
This year I’ve decided to involve the kids in the thrill of giving gifts by hanging a few extra stockings on the mantel. Aisley will have the privilege of praying for and filling the stocking of her sponsored friend from Ethiopia; Elsie, the sweet little lady across the street; and our dear friend Ron, a special needs man we adore from a block over. She’ll pick out a sweet treat and small gift for each of the neighbors and several tiny treasures to send to Ethiopia. These aren’t big tasks, but hopefully over time she’ll create Christmas memories that are Christ centered instead of self centered. What are some ways you teach the true meaning of Christmas to your toddlers?
Fortunately for me, the grandparents are all awesome gift givers. That leaves only a few things for us to give from Santa. This year Santa is bringing the Let’s Play School Doll from Nenuco and Alphie the learning robot. Santa and the grandparents will undoubtedly score major points as Aisley is now old enough to realize that Mom and Dad only added to the book collection. So lame.
This year I’ve decided to involve the kids in the thrill of giving gifts by hanging a few extra stockings on the mantel. Aisley will have the privilege of praying for and filling the stocking of her sponsored friend from Ethiopia; Elsie, the sweet little lady across the street; and our dear friend Ron, a special needs man we adore from a block over. She’ll pick out a sweet treat and small gift for each of the neighbors and several tiny treasures to send to Ethiopia. These aren’t big tasks, but hopefully over time she’ll create Christmas memories that are Christ centered instead of self centered. What are some ways you teach the true meaning of Christmas to your toddlers?
Giving Tuesday
It's Giving Tuesday! Why not give AND receive? Start buy filling stockings with our adoption bracelet. Click on our etsy link to shop with meaning!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Sheep or Goats?
If you’re getting tired of reading about my convictions and how we should give to the poor, well, you might as well skip to my next post. Maybe it’ll make you feel nice and fuzzy inside. :)
For several months I’ve struggled with convictions about loving my neighbor as myself and giving to the least of these. I, for one, do not want to be one of the goats to the left. I’ve also struggled with how to love the Lord your God, with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your strength, while maintaining my existing priorities. And where exactly is my heart if my treasure is in my children? Paul’s life demonstrated clearly that to live is Christ. What does my life demonstrate? To live is… food? Sleeping? Bible studies? Throw a little James in there and a sermon series on stewardship and I’m a wrecked ship!
Now, let’s get one thing out of the way. This isn’t a salvation issue. There’s grace, faith, and works. For a while now, God has been addressing the works. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve prayed for guidance in this department or combed over scripture looking for clear answers. Forgive me for repetition of the word struggle. I really don’t know how else to describe it. As I ran through scripture and visualized the early church, my struggle only deepened. It seems to me that when you consider the teaching of the gospels, study the context in which they are written, breakdown their Hebrew and Greek origins… certain passages still read the same.
Granted, a few minor details have changed with the times, but I can’t seem to get past the fact that if I love God with all of my heart, but don’t love His people as myself, then I kinda don’t really love God with all of my heart. This bothers me, which is a good sign, so I pray for God to break my heart and open my eyes. You know, the same lyrics we all sing in the car, but secretly hope God won’t really act on. Well actually, at first I had to pray for God to give me the desire to pray for those things because I didn’t truly want to pray to feel the pain of others. He heard this request and granted it. Soon I sincerely begged for God to open my eyes and break my heart for others. This too, He granted.
Combine a broken heart for others with total confusion of the New Testament and you get my ship wreck. I’m at a place where I’m totally uncomfortable claiming my devotion to this amazing, incredible, sovereign God, while turning my back on His hurting people and clear commands to care for them. But what does this look like in my life? Am I truly called to surrender all?
This discussion came up recently and left me further in a hole. If God loves us, does He want us to give so much that we can’t take care of ourselves? Do we serve more than we tend to our children? Is it wrong to save and plan for the future? That evening left me with more questions and deeper conviction. I would like to think that God finally led me to this conclusion: He asks differently of each of us at different times. How much more can He be glorified when we’re asked to give in the most inconvenient times? Since we each have our own timelines it makes perfect sense that my answers didn’t align with others’ during the discussion. It doesn’t make anyone right or wrong.
As for my own conviction, tonight before writing I “stumbled upon” 1 John 3:16-18:
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
I know for certain that I’m going to live this out imperfectly. I know that I still rely heavily on emotion and that interferes with my ability to listen and obey when the Holy Spirit nudges me. I also know that I’m young, naïve, and unsettled in many ways, and these will sometimes make it a little easier to give in to impulse and resist the status quo if asked to do so. My goal is to make it a habit now to put others before myself and resist the urge to get comfortable in life. No comfort here is worth being a goat on the left.
:)
For several months I’ve struggled with convictions about loving my neighbor as myself and giving to the least of these. I, for one, do not want to be one of the goats to the left. I’ve also struggled with how to love the Lord your God, with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your strength, while maintaining my existing priorities. And where exactly is my heart if my treasure is in my children? Paul’s life demonstrated clearly that to live is Christ. What does my life demonstrate? To live is… food? Sleeping? Bible studies? Throw a little James in there and a sermon series on stewardship and I’m a wrecked ship!
Now, let’s get one thing out of the way. This isn’t a salvation issue. There’s grace, faith, and works. For a while now, God has been addressing the works. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve prayed for guidance in this department or combed over scripture looking for clear answers. Forgive me for repetition of the word struggle. I really don’t know how else to describe it. As I ran through scripture and visualized the early church, my struggle only deepened. It seems to me that when you consider the teaching of the gospels, study the context in which they are written, breakdown their Hebrew and Greek origins… certain passages still read the same.
Granted, a few minor details have changed with the times, but I can’t seem to get past the fact that if I love God with all of my heart, but don’t love His people as myself, then I kinda don’t really love God with all of my heart. This bothers me, which is a good sign, so I pray for God to break my heart and open my eyes. You know, the same lyrics we all sing in the car, but secretly hope God won’t really act on. Well actually, at first I had to pray for God to give me the desire to pray for those things because I didn’t truly want to pray to feel the pain of others. He heard this request and granted it. Soon I sincerely begged for God to open my eyes and break my heart for others. This too, He granted.
Combine a broken heart for others with total confusion of the New Testament and you get my ship wreck. I’m at a place where I’m totally uncomfortable claiming my devotion to this amazing, incredible, sovereign God, while turning my back on His hurting people and clear commands to care for them. But what does this look like in my life? Am I truly called to surrender all?
This discussion came up recently and left me further in a hole. If God loves us, does He want us to give so much that we can’t take care of ourselves? Do we serve more than we tend to our children? Is it wrong to save and plan for the future? That evening left me with more questions and deeper conviction. I would like to think that God finally led me to this conclusion: He asks differently of each of us at different times. How much more can He be glorified when we’re asked to give in the most inconvenient times? Since we each have our own timelines it makes perfect sense that my answers didn’t align with others’ during the discussion. It doesn’t make anyone right or wrong.
As for my own conviction, tonight before writing I “stumbled upon” 1 John 3:16-18:
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
I know for certain that I’m going to live this out imperfectly. I know that I still rely heavily on emotion and that interferes with my ability to listen and obey when the Holy Spirit nudges me. I also know that I’m young, naïve, and unsettled in many ways, and these will sometimes make it a little easier to give in to impulse and resist the status quo if asked to do so. My goal is to make it a habit now to put others before myself and resist the urge to get comfortable in life. No comfort here is worth being a goat on the left.
:)
Peace, Love, Joy, Parenting?
There are 3 topics that I’ve wanted to write about lately and I hate that I’ll only cover one of them today. Today I’ll discuss how God is moving in my heart concerning parenting, but look for a post about Being Comfy and The Many Blessings of Adoption Fundraising soon.
I’m just so grateful that God chose to use ordinary men and women to illustrate His promises and lessons through the words of the Bible, aren’t you? Imagine how much more difficult it would be to understand Jesus’ teachings if he didn’t use James (his brother who lived under the same roof as God in the flesh and didn’t believe, even mocked him!), Peter (who’s emotional instability and fits of anger I totally relate to), and Paul (who’s prestigious life serves as an example of how to die to ourselves).
I’ve been stuck on certain convictions for a while now and I’m so grateful that God is faithful to reveal answers in His own time. One area that I’ve been praying over for many, many, months is in the parenting department. I recognized long ago that I’m incapable of being the kind of parent that God desires me to be if I don’t ask Him to guide me in this area. In my months of prayer God has opened my eyes to different ways to show my sweet babies love, mercy, and grace, but it isn’t always easy. I find many times that I want to throw a temper tantrum right along with them- and often do!
About a year ago I remember thinking that I’m supposed to mirror Christ’s love in this parenting gig, so I should look at His life and find some examples to use as I go. It didn’t take long to realize that Jesus didn’t have kids. You won’t be surprised to know that in my own self righteousness and lack of humility, I sure did approach God with this prayer: “God, I know that you tell me to trust in you and you will direct my path and I should give everything in me to live a life that reflects the life of Jesus, but what in the world does Jesus know about poopey diapers and breastfeeding?” I remember this prayer specifically. I was praying it in my head as I pushed 2 snotty, screaming kids through the produce department of the grocery store on the 3rd call night of the week. (That means that Carey had worked A LOT that week and wasn’t coming home that night either). I also remember it specifically because I was startled back to humility when I felt an immediate response to my prayer: “Oh, you don’t think I know about parenting, Little Miss Priss? (My mom would call me by that when I was sassin’ her back in the day. God used it to emphasize my disrespect to Him as my Heavenly Father. Point taken)
There have been other ways that God has taught and encouraged me through scripture on this topic, but yesterday I was blessed to have another revelation. I sat at the top of the stairs with ear plugs in trying to work on a chapter in my Bible study while Hayes did anything to avoid sleep in the room to my left and Aisley threw a massive tantrum in the room to my right. I was reflecting on another conviction about finding joy and peace in God who tells us that His grace is suffiecent. I’m trying to apply this to the areas of weakness in my life, none of which included parenting (I am alone in thinking peace and parenting oxymorons?). But as I sat there trying to block out the screaming, I could just feel the blood boiling inside of me. (I was sitting in the hall because I needed Aisley to stay in bed and being close is the best way to catch her in the act of getting down to play. Otherwise I’d let them fuss it out while I sat in the warm sunshine.) I wanted to throw open that door and land into that child with words spewing so fast and loud that she couldn’t deny my anger or refuse to obey. After all, I’m her mother! How dare she disobey me? But fortunately I’ve seen that this does far more damage than good and by His grace I was able to control that urge.
Then it occurred to me that in that very moment, I’m not at peace. I don’t feel joy. I wasn’t allowing God’s grace to be enough. Wow. Really, God? I have to be at peace and maintain my joy even while being slapped around by the terrible two's?
Most mornings I pray for guidence as a momma. If I happen to forget, you better believe that morning the kids come downstairs and quickly bring me to my knees! :) I can see that God is working on controlling my patience and teaching me to remain gentle through the many cups of spilt milk. But I had never put the two together. God had been showing me how to respond with grace and mercy when my precious babies pushed the limit, but I was never able to see that even during those times I can discipline in love because of the peace and joy I have through Him. Maybe I was slower to start huffing and puffing at the kiddos, but you sure could see that I wasn’t happy and at any moment I might blow the house down. But if I discipline from a place of peace and joy, then those sweet babies will still feel my love while I discipline. Isn’t that a little more Biblically sound than flying off the handle?
Hopefully this is common sense to most of you. Unfortunately though, I see lots of mommas who are just trying to survive the toddler years because they haven’t learned to let that Sunday morning peace and joy stick with them throughout the week.
I’m just so grateful that God chose to use ordinary men and women to illustrate His promises and lessons through the words of the Bible, aren’t you? Imagine how much more difficult it would be to understand Jesus’ teachings if he didn’t use James (his brother who lived under the same roof as God in the flesh and didn’t believe, even mocked him!), Peter (who’s emotional instability and fits of anger I totally relate to), and Paul (who’s prestigious life serves as an example of how to die to ourselves).
I’ve been stuck on certain convictions for a while now and I’m so grateful that God is faithful to reveal answers in His own time. One area that I’ve been praying over for many, many, months is in the parenting department. I recognized long ago that I’m incapable of being the kind of parent that God desires me to be if I don’t ask Him to guide me in this area. In my months of prayer God has opened my eyes to different ways to show my sweet babies love, mercy, and grace, but it isn’t always easy. I find many times that I want to throw a temper tantrum right along with them- and often do!
About a year ago I remember thinking that I’m supposed to mirror Christ’s love in this parenting gig, so I should look at His life and find some examples to use as I go. It didn’t take long to realize that Jesus didn’t have kids. You won’t be surprised to know that in my own self righteousness and lack of humility, I sure did approach God with this prayer: “God, I know that you tell me to trust in you and you will direct my path and I should give everything in me to live a life that reflects the life of Jesus, but what in the world does Jesus know about poopey diapers and breastfeeding?” I remember this prayer specifically. I was praying it in my head as I pushed 2 snotty, screaming kids through the produce department of the grocery store on the 3rd call night of the week. (That means that Carey had worked A LOT that week and wasn’t coming home that night either). I also remember it specifically because I was startled back to humility when I felt an immediate response to my prayer: “Oh, you don’t think I know about parenting, Little Miss Priss? (My mom would call me by that when I was sassin’ her back in the day. God used it to emphasize my disrespect to Him as my Heavenly Father. Point taken)
There have been other ways that God has taught and encouraged me through scripture on this topic, but yesterday I was blessed to have another revelation. I sat at the top of the stairs with ear plugs in trying to work on a chapter in my Bible study while Hayes did anything to avoid sleep in the room to my left and Aisley threw a massive tantrum in the room to my right. I was reflecting on another conviction about finding joy and peace in God who tells us that His grace is suffiecent. I’m trying to apply this to the areas of weakness in my life, none of which included parenting (I am alone in thinking peace and parenting oxymorons?). But as I sat there trying to block out the screaming, I could just feel the blood boiling inside of me. (I was sitting in the hall because I needed Aisley to stay in bed and being close is the best way to catch her in the act of getting down to play. Otherwise I’d let them fuss it out while I sat in the warm sunshine.) I wanted to throw open that door and land into that child with words spewing so fast and loud that she couldn’t deny my anger or refuse to obey. After all, I’m her mother! How dare she disobey me? But fortunately I’ve seen that this does far more damage than good and by His grace I was able to control that urge.
Then it occurred to me that in that very moment, I’m not at peace. I don’t feel joy. I wasn’t allowing God’s grace to be enough. Wow. Really, God? I have to be at peace and maintain my joy even while being slapped around by the terrible two's?
Most mornings I pray for guidence as a momma. If I happen to forget, you better believe that morning the kids come downstairs and quickly bring me to my knees! :) I can see that God is working on controlling my patience and teaching me to remain gentle through the many cups of spilt milk. But I had never put the two together. God had been showing me how to respond with grace and mercy when my precious babies pushed the limit, but I was never able to see that even during those times I can discipline in love because of the peace and joy I have through Him. Maybe I was slower to start huffing and puffing at the kiddos, but you sure could see that I wasn’t happy and at any moment I might blow the house down. But if I discipline from a place of peace and joy, then those sweet babies will still feel my love while I discipline. Isn’t that a little more Biblically sound than flying off the handle?
Hopefully this is common sense to most of you. Unfortunately though, I see lots of mommas who are just trying to survive the toddler years because they haven’t learned to let that Sunday morning peace and joy stick with them throughout the week.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
I feel like I really dropped the ball. I didn't even know about Orphan Sunday until a few days ago and I had no time to actually think through and plan events for our family, much less see if there was anything I could do to promote awareness around the community or at church. Now I know. Next year will be different.
My family will participate in an Orphan's Table meal periodically throughout the year. I think it's an amazing way to actively illustrate to our children why we care so deeply for orphans. Right now Aisley understands they don’t have a family, home, or “things”, but she can’t apply that to her own life or even slightly understand what it really means.
The Orphan’s Table is a meal shared among family, friends, small group, whatever. The meal consists of the same meal an orphan most likely eats every single day, at every meal-if there are multiple meals. The idea is to make the environment as realistic as possible, so sit on cardboard boxes or the floor, use an old tin bowl and wooden spoon, and maybe even share out of one large bowl. (I’ve read that a method such as this is common in Ethiopian culture and we’re being educated on how to handle transitions such as this when our child finally comes home. Pretty wild, huh?!)
http://orphansunday.org/orphans-table/
Do you remember how many orphans there are worldwide? 147 million. That number has SIX zeros behind it, y’all. It’s impossible to imagine. We’re working hard (rather, Christ is working through us) to change the life of one orphan. Maybe two, who knows? But what about the others?
You can sponsor an orphan through many organizations, just make sure it’s legit.
http://www.allgodschildren.org/
You can also do what we did when God first put orphans on our heart. We weren’t sure if we were being called to adopt because finances and timing were all wrong. We weren’t even in a place where we could afford to sponsor a child. But we felt called to become involved somehow and I stumbled upon an organization that fully understands the true need of each orphan: prayer. At the time they had a Prayer Guardian Ministry. If interested you could email them and ask for a child to pray for each day. After a few days they responded to my request and sent me the name of a 6 year old little boy named David who lives in the Ouahigouya Orphanage in Burkina Faso, Africa.
www.warmblankets.org
My family will participate in an Orphan's Table meal periodically throughout the year. I think it's an amazing way to actively illustrate to our children why we care so deeply for orphans. Right now Aisley understands they don’t have a family, home, or “things”, but she can’t apply that to her own life or even slightly understand what it really means.
The Orphan’s Table is a meal shared among family, friends, small group, whatever. The meal consists of the same meal an orphan most likely eats every single day, at every meal-if there are multiple meals. The idea is to make the environment as realistic as possible, so sit on cardboard boxes or the floor, use an old tin bowl and wooden spoon, and maybe even share out of one large bowl. (I’ve read that a method such as this is common in Ethiopian culture and we’re being educated on how to handle transitions such as this when our child finally comes home. Pretty wild, huh?!)
http://orphansunday.org/orphans-table/
Do you remember how many orphans there are worldwide? 147 million. That number has SIX zeros behind it, y’all. It’s impossible to imagine. We’re working hard (rather, Christ is working through us) to change the life of one orphan. Maybe two, who knows? But what about the others?
You can sponsor an orphan through many organizations, just make sure it’s legit.
http://www.allgodschildren.org/
You can also do what we did when God first put orphans on our heart. We weren’t sure if we were being called to adopt because finances and timing were all wrong. We weren’t even in a place where we could afford to sponsor a child. But we felt called to become involved somehow and I stumbled upon an organization that fully understands the true need of each orphan: prayer. At the time they had a Prayer Guardian Ministry. If interested you could email them and ask for a child to pray for each day. After a few days they responded to my request and sent me the name of a 6 year old little boy named David who lives in the Ouahigouya Orphanage in Burkina Faso, Africa.
www.warmblankets.org
Orphan Sunday
Today is a new "holiday" in the Watson house. Last week Aisley learned of the word holiday and now associates it with gifts, treats, and school parties. This morning when I began attempting to explain the meaning behind Orphan Sunday she frankly responded with "Mom, I don't want to talk about this". Knowing my softhearted girl well, I could tell that she’s already put up a wall to protect her little heart from the harsh 4-year old interpretation of the orphan reality. I never realized it began this early. I truly believe that much of the problem we, as extremely wealthy and extravagantly comfortable Amercians, face is desensitization to the world’s problems-such as the plight of orphans. It takes us out of our comfort and into a place of guilt, conviction, and sacrifice. Who would choose that when you can just eat your way to happiness or buy it at the mall? Orphans? What orphans? Walls are up in all of our hearts.
Orphan Sunday is a day to remember the orphan and devote yourself to them in prayer. Prayer is the absolute, very best, thing you can do to help orphans. Pray daily. Pray specifically, pray generally, just pray.
This day is also meant to spread awareness and education about the condition and needs of orphans throughout the world and provoke a willingness to intervene.
I’ll post more on this during nap time, but until then I hope you’ll join many in lifting orphans in prayer and allow God to penetrate the walls you’ve built to protect yourself against the many hurts and needs of orphans.
Orphan Sunday is a day to remember the orphan and devote yourself to them in prayer. Prayer is the absolute, very best, thing you can do to help orphans. Pray daily. Pray specifically, pray generally, just pray.
This day is also meant to spread awareness and education about the condition and needs of orphans throughout the world and provoke a willingness to intervene.
I’ll post more on this during nap time, but until then I hope you’ll join many in lifting orphans in prayer and allow God to penetrate the walls you’ve built to protect yourself against the many hurts and needs of orphans.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Pushing Forward
This week was a struggle in perseverance. I'm fortunate to have begun a Bible study on James a few weeks ago, so the material is fresh. The problem with this kind of struggle is that it's all relative. I'm battling my own selfishness and lack of self-discipline made evident through my irritability, lack of patience, and little progress. But then I realize these battles are only against myself and fail to compare to the true test of perseverance experienced outside of the world's wealthiest few. Did you know:
26,000 children will die of starvation or preventable disease TODAY?
Close to 2 billion others live on less than $2 a day???
I pray the inconvenience of guilt plagues you every time you waste your money on useless crap. I pray the burden of this world cries out to you every single time you swipe that card for more shoes, coffee, blonde highlights, and Chick-fil-A.
I can wish this on you friend, because it almost paralyzes me. I can't spend a penny without considering these statistics and yet, we're still working through ten years of bad financial decisions and have to resist therapeutic shopping at Target each week. I'm not above or beyond this sin or this burden, so I can wish it on you too.
Harsh? Consider this:
North American Christians give 5 cents of every $100 earned to overseas missions.
Did you catch that? 5 cents!!!
Do you want to know what's wrong with the world today, folks?
It ain't Obama, Romney, MTV, McDonald's or video games.
It's that we don't care about anyone other than the big M-E.
The average American income is $42,409 making us the world's richest 2.5%.
Don't ya feel rich? Don't ya feel blessed? No? Could it be that mortgage, credit card payments, or new car your paying on? (That's what it is in the Watson household. I'm preaching at myself through personal conviction, y'all :)
We got a letter last week from a family in Ethiopia describing their life and home. They live in a wood and corrugated metal room. Room, friend. Mom, Dad, 6 year old Demie, and her 3 siblings live in this room. I hope you can imagine how reading that letter rocked my world as I sit in my comfy, cozy home paying my credit card bills.
Some of you are thinking "No way! My great-grandparents busted their tails and so did everyone else in my family to get us where we are today! I'll be danged if I'm gonna just give it away!" Friend, nothing that you or anyone else achieved was possible aside from the grace of God. It isn't yours! He can take it a whole lot quicker than you can make it, that's for sure. You'll cling to it all the way to the grave where you'll ROLL OVER when you see who it goes to after that last nail's put it.
All of my ranting and raging comes down to this: we blame the teachers for poor grades, technology for mislead youth, the church for a loss of morals, doctors forbad health choices, and the government for everything else. But what would happen if we actually modeled the behavior we want to see? What if we sat our kids down at the kitchen table to do their homework and limited their gadget time (and our own!)? What if we live out the morals the preacher teaches? What if we put down that fried goodness and diet coke and became active in the community? Well, that would require some major effort, wouldn't it? We might have to make some tough sacrifices, huh? Oh man, that might even require you to live a bit less selfishly!
So how does this relate to the 6,000 who die in Africa from AIDS each day? What does this have to do with the 1room hut and world poverty? It all comes down to who you want to be a slave to. Will you continue to see only yourself in this overwhelming sea of need or will you sacrifice more than 5 cents?
26,000 children will die of starvation or preventable disease TODAY?
Close to 2 billion others live on less than $2 a day???
I pray the inconvenience of guilt plagues you every time you waste your money on useless crap. I pray the burden of this world cries out to you every single time you swipe that card for more shoes, coffee, blonde highlights, and Chick-fil-A.
I can wish this on you friend, because it almost paralyzes me. I can't spend a penny without considering these statistics and yet, we're still working through ten years of bad financial decisions and have to resist therapeutic shopping at Target each week. I'm not above or beyond this sin or this burden, so I can wish it on you too.
Harsh? Consider this:
North American Christians give 5 cents of every $100 earned to overseas missions.
Did you catch that? 5 cents!!!
Do you want to know what's wrong with the world today, folks?
It ain't Obama, Romney, MTV, McDonald's or video games.
It's that we don't care about anyone other than the big M-E.
The average American income is $42,409 making us the world's richest 2.5%.
Don't ya feel rich? Don't ya feel blessed? No? Could it be that mortgage, credit card payments, or new car your paying on? (That's what it is in the Watson household. I'm preaching at myself through personal conviction, y'all :)
We got a letter last week from a family in Ethiopia describing their life and home. They live in a wood and corrugated metal room. Room, friend. Mom, Dad, 6 year old Demie, and her 3 siblings live in this room. I hope you can imagine how reading that letter rocked my world as I sit in my comfy, cozy home paying my credit card bills.
Some of you are thinking "No way! My great-grandparents busted their tails and so did everyone else in my family to get us where we are today! I'll be danged if I'm gonna just give it away!" Friend, nothing that you or anyone else achieved was possible aside from the grace of God. It isn't yours! He can take it a whole lot quicker than you can make it, that's for sure. You'll cling to it all the way to the grave where you'll ROLL OVER when you see who it goes to after that last nail's put it.
All of my ranting and raging comes down to this: we blame the teachers for poor grades, technology for mislead youth, the church for a loss of morals, doctors forbad health choices, and the government for everything else. But what would happen if we actually modeled the behavior we want to see? What if we sat our kids down at the kitchen table to do their homework and limited their gadget time (and our own!)? What if we live out the morals the preacher teaches? What if we put down that fried goodness and diet coke and became active in the community? Well, that would require some major effort, wouldn't it? We might have to make some tough sacrifices, huh? Oh man, that might even require you to live a bit less selfishly!
So how does this relate to the 6,000 who die in Africa from AIDS each day? What does this have to do with the 1room hut and world poverty? It all comes down to who you want to be a slave to. Will you continue to see only yourself in this overwhelming sea of need or will you sacrifice more than 5 cents?
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Celebrate!!!
We’re so excited to celebrate great news with you! Our home study is paid in full! We sold about 175 bracelets ($1,800) and were given donations from some amazingly generous people. Isn’t that crazy??? God is faithfully providing and YOU are generously praying, encouraging, supporting, sharing, and giving. THANK YOU! We are so blessed by your willingness to actively participate in changing our child’s life forever. Doesn’t it feel good to be part of this journey? Doesn’t it feel good to know you obeyed when the Holy Spirit nudged you to get involved? And this is only the beginning! I can’t wait until the day we get the referral call. I can’t wait to tell you that the agency called about a (girl/boy), __ years old. I can’t wait to receive the email with his/her picture and to be able to describe the perfect eyes, nose, and cheeks, of our newest addition.
That phone call is still a year or two away. Before that, you’ll join us in celebrating the passing of the fire inspection, safety inspection, and the home study approval. Of course, there are some major financial milestones to reach too. We’re facing the largest fees in the whole process: Agency Fees. Our agency fee is $6,000 and the foreign agency fee is another $6,000. $12,000 in agency fees due upfront before we can move on in the process.
Ouch. That’s a serious ouch! 800 bracelets, folks. 800! I think this is when we would do best to start praying. What’s $12,000 to God? Nothing. A drop in the bucket to the creator of the universe. He commands us to care for orphans and I trust that He’ll provide. Will you join us in this petition? Will you pray that He moves in hearts this giving season? Will you lift your voice to Him on our behalf?
That phone call is still a year or two away. Before that, you’ll join us in celebrating the passing of the fire inspection, safety inspection, and the home study approval. Of course, there are some major financial milestones to reach too. We’re facing the largest fees in the whole process: Agency Fees. Our agency fee is $6,000 and the foreign agency fee is another $6,000. $12,000 in agency fees due upfront before we can move on in the process.
Ouch. That’s a serious ouch! 800 bracelets, folks. 800! I think this is when we would do best to start praying. What’s $12,000 to God? Nothing. A drop in the bucket to the creator of the universe. He commands us to care for orphans and I trust that He’ll provide. Will you join us in this petition? Will you pray that He moves in hearts this giving season? Will you lift your voice to Him on our behalf?
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Georgia Maeve Evanson Lass
Welcome, Little Miss Georgia and congrats to Monte and Erin! Aisley named her Curly many months ago, so I'm sure she will be beautiful with perfectly straight hair. :) We love you and can't wait to meet you, Georgia!
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
Pot Roast
I'd been feeling pretty crappy about my lack of cooking lately and was reminded by some friends to stick to the basics. Crock pot roast and stew are 2 super easy meals that require little prep and get me out of the kitchen ASAP! I cheated and bought a bag of frozen veggies, a package of seasoning, and the roast. Knowing dinner is around 6:00, I found myself dumping everything in the pot around 2:30 and hoping that would be enough time. Carey came home from work and immediately complimented the yummy smell of dinner. I felt pretty good about my semi-homemade meal until after I had already served Carey and the kids their plates. They were happily lapping up ketchup with their roast when I went to dish out my plate. I noticed bits of white stuff floating and didn't think much of it. After all, there's sometimes fat that floats up, right? But then I pulled up a big, stringy piece on my fork and what little confidence I had gained from this cooking success was shattered. In my rush to get everything in the pot on time, I failed to remove that stretch of plastic that sticks to the meat and separates it from the styrofoam. Then the dilemma: do I dare interrupt a meal that my children are actually eating without complaint? They've even managed to smother their veggies in ketchup and stuff them down! Surely whatever BPAs and other chemicals broken down in the cooking process, won't be any worse than the fast food junk we'd have to go pick up, right? So I did the unthinkable and tossed a few pieces of that delicious pot roast onto my plate, lathered on the ketchup, and enjoyed a nice meal with my family.
Don't ever eat my cooking, folks. Just trust me on this one. ;)
Don't ever eat my cooking, folks. Just trust me on this one. ;)
Sunday, October 14, 2012
I had two sweet ladies comment on my facebook page asking for more on our adoption process and funny things our kids say. So Trish and Tara, this is for you!
Funny things my kids say:
Anytime someone prays, Hayes clasps his hands, bows his head, closes his eyes, and cuts them off mid-sentence with "AMENT". Then again at the end of the sentence, "AMENT". Then again mid-sentence...
Aisley says "meow" all the time. No really, all the time. But it's not in place of NOW, as in Supertroopers. Think of Mr. Rodger's Neighborhood...
Hayes calls cowboy hats "hee-haws"
AGW calls sandwiches "swaniches" for Hayes they are "mamwhiches"
Sadly, that's all I can remember for now. I'll do better at writing it down.
The adoption process:
Still going well. This week we'll get FBI and state fingerprints, a local criminal report, and finish up our profiles. We're gathering all needed medical information on the 4 of us and making sure all pets are up to date with vaccinations. We're currently completing our 60 page individual profiles that ask how each life experience/relative/previous job/whatever influenced us and will affect how we parent our adopted child. We also have a 180 page workbook to complete that takes us through various hypothetical adoption situations so that we might have a small idea of some of the issues to come. It's a lot to take in and is very time consuming, but I'm grateful for the information. I've been surprised at many things I've learned and I'm realizing the need to begin praying over specific issues now. Things like a healthy attachment and normal sleep behavior. Most people think that we're adopting a young child, so she shouldn't have many issues because she's not old enough to remember them. I'm learning that this is completely false. Abandonment as an infant is still traumatic for the child. They're born with instinctual needs and they recognize when that need is lost. Even at a few months old, they learn not to trust others and refuse to bond. There are varying degrees of attachment issues obviously, and we can only pray that the attachment process isn't a lengthy one.
Soon we'll conquer the much dreaded fire and safety inspections. There's some MAJOR need work to be done before these are tackled. Like hiding the live electrical wire hanging from our ceiling and locking up all guns, ammo, cleaning products, and medicine. I've got to place fire detectors in every bedroom and put the extinguisher within easy reach. I also need to dispose of about 12 cans of paint the previous owners left us and probably demolish the garden shed that is crumbling in the backyard. I'm afraid to do this when Carey's gone though, because we've seen opossum, raccoons, and mice run under that thing.
Once all of the paperwork and projects around the house are done, a social worker will meet with us about 4 times to discuss and educate us more on adoption. He'll talk with Aisley and Hayes about what they know and how they feel about a new sibling.
After all of this, he will write it all up, look over the big picture and determine whether or not we are stable enough to continue the adoption process. A yes means we move on in the adoption process. No means God has something else planned for us right now. Things that could provoke a no: not financially stable, mentally stable, or physically able. We'll see how it goes!
Funny things my kids say:
Anytime someone prays, Hayes clasps his hands, bows his head, closes his eyes, and cuts them off mid-sentence with "AMENT". Then again at the end of the sentence, "AMENT". Then again mid-sentence...
Aisley says "meow" all the time. No really, all the time. But it's not in place of NOW, as in Supertroopers. Think of Mr. Rodger's Neighborhood...
Hayes calls cowboy hats "hee-haws"
AGW calls sandwiches "swaniches" for Hayes they are "mamwhiches"
Sadly, that's all I can remember for now. I'll do better at writing it down.
The adoption process:
Still going well. This week we'll get FBI and state fingerprints, a local criminal report, and finish up our profiles. We're gathering all needed medical information on the 4 of us and making sure all pets are up to date with vaccinations. We're currently completing our 60 page individual profiles that ask how each life experience/relative/previous job/whatever influenced us and will affect how we parent our adopted child. We also have a 180 page workbook to complete that takes us through various hypothetical adoption situations so that we might have a small idea of some of the issues to come. It's a lot to take in and is very time consuming, but I'm grateful for the information. I've been surprised at many things I've learned and I'm realizing the need to begin praying over specific issues now. Things like a healthy attachment and normal sleep behavior. Most people think that we're adopting a young child, so she shouldn't have many issues because she's not old enough to remember them. I'm learning that this is completely false. Abandonment as an infant is still traumatic for the child. They're born with instinctual needs and they recognize when that need is lost. Even at a few months old, they learn not to trust others and refuse to bond. There are varying degrees of attachment issues obviously, and we can only pray that the attachment process isn't a lengthy one.
Soon we'll conquer the much dreaded fire and safety inspections. There's some MAJOR need work to be done before these are tackled. Like hiding the live electrical wire hanging from our ceiling and locking up all guns, ammo, cleaning products, and medicine. I've got to place fire detectors in every bedroom and put the extinguisher within easy reach. I also need to dispose of about 12 cans of paint the previous owners left us and probably demolish the garden shed that is crumbling in the backyard. I'm afraid to do this when Carey's gone though, because we've seen opossum, raccoons, and mice run under that thing.
Once all of the paperwork and projects around the house are done, a social worker will meet with us about 4 times to discuss and educate us more on adoption. He'll talk with Aisley and Hayes about what they know and how they feel about a new sibling.
After all of this, he will write it all up, look over the big picture and determine whether or not we are stable enough to continue the adoption process. A yes means we move on in the adoption process. No means God has something else planned for us right now. Things that could provoke a no: not financially stable, mentally stable, or physically able. We'll see how it goes!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
10-11-12 SHOP!!!
Hello to all of our friends in Plainview, Tx at 10-11-12 SHOP! Thank you for allowing us to join your shopping party. We hope you have tons of fun together today! :)
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
God's inspired Word and... the Spice Girls?
The other night Aisley taught a Bible study to our family. It went something like this:
"The Bible is inspired by God so... tell me what ya want, what ya really, really want. I wanna, I wanna, I wanna zigahzig ah."
Sitting beside her was Hayes singing repeatedly:
"zigahzig ah... zigahzig ah... zigahzig ah"
There are no words to follow something as awesome as this.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, take a look at this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PArTdhNda7k
"The Bible is inspired by God so... tell me what ya want, what ya really, really want. I wanna, I wanna, I wanna zigahzig ah."
Sitting beside her was Hayes singing repeatedly:
"zigahzig ah... zigahzig ah... zigahzig ah"
There are no words to follow something as awesome as this.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, take a look at this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PArTdhNda7k
Never-ending Survival wheel follow up
I spoke too soon. Apparently a key to staying off the survival wheel involves getting up early and planning ahead. This will take some time to master....like years. :)
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Never-ending Survival Wheel
Confession: I’m feeling guilty over the fact that it’s 2:00 in the afternoon and I’m in bed under an electric blanket “working”. My kids are napping (aka in-and-out of bed time) and Carey is at work watching mice exhaust themselves on the never ending exercise wheel. This makes me laugh to think of and I can imagine God and His angels watch me doing the same thing every day. I run in circles all day going nowhere and getting nothing done. But God is working on me. Those of you who know me, won’t at all be surprised by confession #2: I’m a slob. Lazy, unorganized, careless, and quite frankly filthy, slob. Now, God is at work in this area and by His grace I soon will be off the never-ending survival wheel. That’s what it’s called around here because things are so crazy-busy that all you can do is hope to survive until things stop spinning. I don’t know what that looks like in your life, but in my life it looks like this: the house is a wreck! Shove everything in a drawer, any drawer, so that it’s out of sight but not gone forever. Because you know, it takes a whole 10 seconds to look at the object and decide whether it’s worth keeping or trashing. Or: No clean clothes! Stuff as much into the washer as possible, do 10 loads of laundry in one day, and then never put them away. Let them stay in 10 laundry baskets in my bedroom for 2 weeks until we’ve worn all of the wrinkled clothes and have to start all over again. The same techniques apply to cooking, cleaning, and crafting. This lifestyle used to work when I was single. Never was it practical or effective, but it worked. Surviving then and surviving as a medical spouse with 2 toddlers, 2 dogs, a cat, and a pending international adoption? Umm, yeah. Not working out so well. There’ve been a few breakdowns in the last 2 weeks. I’ve thrown more temper tantrums than my toddlers combined and fortunately, God is full of patience and mercy. It’s clear to me that this isn’t a coincidence. God is putting all of my avoidances in my face and making me deal with them. Self-discipline. Rebellion. Submission. Pride. I’m on a crash course in life lessons and these are the curriculum. Did you know cleaning out dresser drawers could be so meaningful? It’s ridiculous really, but necessary. How can God give me other responsibilities if I can’t handle running my own home? I’m learning self-discipline by realizing that I’ve worked too dang hard to put this house in order, by-golly, so those dishes will NOT sit in the sink taunting me. And I’ve wrestled 36 tubs of infant clothes, toys, and random crap I stuffed into boxes, so that load of laundry is going where it belongs. I’m even learning that my children can wait 20 seconds longer while I properly put things back where they belong instead of leaving piles on the kitchen counter. These are things that maybe came naturally to you, but where not enforced with me. I naturally resist routine and schedule. For 10 years it’s been because of my ADHD. While I still have that chemical imbalance, I’m recognizing that the majority of my issue is due to a lack of self-discipline and rebellion against submission. Submission to anything that requires me to do anything I don’t feel like doing at the time, such as following through with tasks. This is pretty deep, huh? No kidding, even I’m confused by it!
Here’s what I know: God is using the home study process to help me organize my life, develop self-discipline, and learn to suck it up and submit to doing what I don’t want to do. This goes against 30 years of habits- wait a minute! I thought I had avoided habits, routines, and schedule? My rebellion only led me to a false sense of being a free-spirit. I was actually a slave to destructive habits and routines that kept me on that never-ending survival wheel. I’m getting off the survival wheel now. Goodbye irritability and wasted time. So-long selfishness. Things will stop spinning soon and look a bit more clear. Still busy of course, but not as blurry. Being a slave to the survival wheel meant that I could only see what was right infront of ME. I’m glad to be freed from me and able to see you. We weren’t created as God’s pets running on never-ending survival wheels. He created us to have relationship with Him and His people. You are His people. So…Hello!
Here’s what I know: God is using the home study process to help me organize my life, develop self-discipline, and learn to suck it up and submit to doing what I don’t want to do. This goes against 30 years of habits- wait a minute! I thought I had avoided habits, routines, and schedule? My rebellion only led me to a false sense of being a free-spirit. I was actually a slave to destructive habits and routines that kept me on that never-ending survival wheel. I’m getting off the survival wheel now. Goodbye irritability and wasted time. So-long selfishness. Things will stop spinning soon and look a bit more clear. Still busy of course, but not as blurry. Being a slave to the survival wheel meant that I could only see what was right infront of ME. I’m glad to be freed from me and able to see you. We weren’t created as God’s pets running on never-ending survival wheels. He created us to have relationship with Him and His people. You are His people. So…Hello!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Home Study Checklist
I just thought some of you might be curious about our progress. We're working through the 55 item checklist, 7 online courses, and 50 page personal profiles. We also have FBI background checks, state background checks, local criminal record checks, Ohio and Texas child abuse checks, and the dreaded fire inspection and home safety inspection. We're kinda busy ! :)
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
The BIG 3-0! Oh No!
Today is my 30th birthday. I’ve been looking forward to turning 30 because it seems like the end of an era. I have to admit though, that this isn’t at all what I thought 30 would look like. I honestly pictured more of a “Sex and the City” version of 30. Or is it Sex IN the City? I never watched the show, obviously. From what I understand it’s about a few single ladies in their 30’s with great jobs, great friends, and a great social life. They wear cute clothes as they adventure through a fantastic social life. Of course there are a few things I tweaked in my version: take out all of the sleaze, smoking, and huge city. Add in a few cowboys, live music, and outdoorsy stuff. Basically give me all of the fun and none of the responsibility of settling down. Hmm. Besides a pair of cowboy boots and a few yearly hikes, 30 doesn’t look at all like I thought it would. I have all of the responsibility (plus some considering I’m a surgeon’s wife) of settling down and my glamorous social scene is at church. This is why I’m grateful God is in control and not me. My white picket fence and 2.5 kids are paradise and more of a blessing than I could’ve ever imagined.
I’ve thought a bit about this year and what it symbolizes to me. It’s the end of the selfish era. A 3rd of my life was spent learning through mistakes and putting myself 1st. Maybe I’ll have another 60 years to gain wisdom and knowledge and actually put my lessons learned into action. This leads me to some goals for my 30th year:
30 dates with my husband
30 dates with my children (15 each)
Send 30 encouragement cards
Donate 30 items each month
Volunteer 30x this year
Daily Random Act of Kindness-this is going to be something super small like taking my neighbor’s newspaper of the steps and leaving it on her doormat or leaving an encouraging note for the next person at the gas pump.
The year of 30 is completely and totally dedicated to giving, serving, and loving others. It’ll take some time to make this a habit, but hopefully it will become a little more natural to put others 1st.
It would also be awesome if I could go to Africa while 30…and maybe bring home a baby or two. ;)
If you would like to give me a birthday gift please order a bracelet from my etsy shop or donate to our website.
I’ve thought a bit about this year and what it symbolizes to me. It’s the end of the selfish era. A 3rd of my life was spent learning through mistakes and putting myself 1st. Maybe I’ll have another 60 years to gain wisdom and knowledge and actually put my lessons learned into action. This leads me to some goals for my 30th year:
30 dates with my husband
30 dates with my children (15 each)
Send 30 encouragement cards
Donate 30 items each month
Volunteer 30x this year
Daily Random Act of Kindness-this is going to be something super small like taking my neighbor’s newspaper of the steps and leaving it on her doormat or leaving an encouraging note for the next person at the gas pump.
The year of 30 is completely and totally dedicated to giving, serving, and loving others. It’ll take some time to make this a habit, but hopefully it will become a little more natural to put others 1st.
It would also be awesome if I could go to Africa while 30…and maybe bring home a baby or two. ;)
If you would like to give me a birthday gift please order a bracelet from my etsy shop or donate to our website.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Where we are now...
I wanted to take a minute to update everyone on our process. Things are going very well and it's getting really busy now! We have solidified the adoption agreement with our agency and the home study agreement with another agency. So far our adoption costs are:
Application Fee: $300
Home study Fee: $2,500
Required Adoption Education $220
We have many potential adoptees following us now, so I want to be as transparent as possible in our journey. I’ll update the cost and requirements as we go along. We’ve finished 2 out of the 6 or so online courses required of us. They take about an hour and we do them from our home computer. I can’t complain about that at all! I’ve been surprised to learn of the ways adopted children continue to grieve throughout their life. Most people think that they should just be happy to have a family that “saved” them. They rarely consider that the child may wonder about and mourn the loss of birthparents, their culture, previous caregivers, siblings, and orphanage friends. Even if a child is adopted at birth they will still possibly grieve the loss of identity. On top of that, there are triggers that may provoke a sense of loss or ignite curiosity about their life before adoption and these triggers and responses may change at each developmental stage. Wow. One suggestion I really liked involved a life book. We’re beginning our child’s life book and will continue to add letters, pictures, cards, notes from siblings, and stuff from Ethiopia. I can’t wait to add stuff from Ethiopia. I really love this project.
Application Fee: $300
Home study Fee: $2,500
Required Adoption Education $220
We have many potential adoptees following us now, so I want to be as transparent as possible in our journey. I’ll update the cost and requirements as we go along. We’ve finished 2 out of the 6 or so online courses required of us. They take about an hour and we do them from our home computer. I can’t complain about that at all! I’ve been surprised to learn of the ways adopted children continue to grieve throughout their life. Most people think that they should just be happy to have a family that “saved” them. They rarely consider that the child may wonder about and mourn the loss of birthparents, their culture, previous caregivers, siblings, and orphanage friends. Even if a child is adopted at birth they will still possibly grieve the loss of identity. On top of that, there are triggers that may provoke a sense of loss or ignite curiosity about their life before adoption and these triggers and responses may change at each developmental stage. Wow. One suggestion I really liked involved a life book. We’re beginning our child’s life book and will continue to add letters, pictures, cards, notes from siblings, and stuff from Ethiopia. I can’t wait to add stuff from Ethiopia. I really love this project.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Pride and Approval
Pride: the quality or state of being proud
Proud: having or displaying excessive self esteem.
Sigh….Why are my posts so heavy these days? My life isn’t this heavy at all. In fact, I’m pretty sure these ARE the good ol’ days. I’m at home with my babies every day. We sleep til 9:00, cuddle on the couch, read books, roll around on the floor, go for walks and play in the dirt. They still like me, want to be near me, listen to me when I talk, and believe what I say. Life is good.
But pride has a hold of me. Pride makes it really difficult to fundraise for this adoption. A few people wonder why we don’t just wait until we can pay for it ourselves. Let me just tell you, I wanted to. I wanted to be able to do this without the help of others. I wanted to be totally self reliant and sufficient. But I’m certain God had other plans. I don’t know how to explain why we had to do the adoption now except to say that my heart told me so. We put it off for months. We were told no by several agencies and were somewhat relieved. Being told yes would’ve meant that we wouldn’t have time to save for the adoption and would have to fundraise-gasp! But neither of us were at peace with that. God kept pulling us toward adoption even though we hadn’t had time to save. We were restless at the thought of a child over there waiting for us to get our crap together and swallow our pride. What would you do, huh? If God put this kind of hurt in your heart? Would you tell Him no, not now? Would you tell God the creator of everything (even money) that you needed more time to save? What if He whispered “just trust ME to provide”? God put this hurt in our hearts knowing good and well that we aren’t in a place financially to adopt. Every single day God tells me to swallow my pride and obey Him. Trust Him. Blindly take this leap of faith and let Him be victorious. Even if some people don’t like it, understand it, or agree with it.
That leaves me to another issue. The issue of needing approval. This is even more challenging than asking for money. I can justify adoption fundraising. I can’t defend my need for approval. And trust me, there’s a few that flat out disapprove. I hate that. I’m a people pleaser to the core and this just kills me. I’m learning that I can quote scripture til I’m blue in the face and they aren’t going to change. Nothing I can say or do will cause them to approve or understand this adoption. I can’t change them. What I haven’t learned yet, is to focus on God. Don’t look to the right or the left, even if my naysayers are there taunting me.
Proud: having or displaying excessive self esteem.
Sigh….Why are my posts so heavy these days? My life isn’t this heavy at all. In fact, I’m pretty sure these ARE the good ol’ days. I’m at home with my babies every day. We sleep til 9:00, cuddle on the couch, read books, roll around on the floor, go for walks and play in the dirt. They still like me, want to be near me, listen to me when I talk, and believe what I say. Life is good.
But pride has a hold of me. Pride makes it really difficult to fundraise for this adoption. A few people wonder why we don’t just wait until we can pay for it ourselves. Let me just tell you, I wanted to. I wanted to be able to do this without the help of others. I wanted to be totally self reliant and sufficient. But I’m certain God had other plans. I don’t know how to explain why we had to do the adoption now except to say that my heart told me so. We put it off for months. We were told no by several agencies and were somewhat relieved. Being told yes would’ve meant that we wouldn’t have time to save for the adoption and would have to fundraise-gasp! But neither of us were at peace with that. God kept pulling us toward adoption even though we hadn’t had time to save. We were restless at the thought of a child over there waiting for us to get our crap together and swallow our pride. What would you do, huh? If God put this kind of hurt in your heart? Would you tell Him no, not now? Would you tell God the creator of everything (even money) that you needed more time to save? What if He whispered “just trust ME to provide”? God put this hurt in our hearts knowing good and well that we aren’t in a place financially to adopt. Every single day God tells me to swallow my pride and obey Him. Trust Him. Blindly take this leap of faith and let Him be victorious. Even if some people don’t like it, understand it, or agree with it.
That leaves me to another issue. The issue of needing approval. This is even more challenging than asking for money. I can justify adoption fundraising. I can’t defend my need for approval. And trust me, there’s a few that flat out disapprove. I hate that. I’m a people pleaser to the core and this just kills me. I’m learning that I can quote scripture til I’m blue in the face and they aren’t going to change. Nothing I can say or do will cause them to approve or understand this adoption. I can’t change them. What I haven’t learned yet, is to focus on God. Don’t look to the right or the left, even if my naysayers are there taunting me.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Blessings
Can I just say that God is making it clear that this is His adoption journey, His family, His child, His people, and His will to be completed in His timing? How do I know? Well, we should never have been approved in the 1st place. Then we should never have raised enough for the home study. Then when I was struggling to find the home study agency, another lady in the church sent out an email asking for prayers for her current adoption. I sent her an email asking for any info on an agency and by the end of the night she had me in touch with a man who doesn’t know me from Adam, but was willing to invest his own time into contacting several agencies for us. Within days we had approval to proceed with an accredited home study agency and are starting to move forward in that process. This morning as we walked in to church I mentioned to my mother in-law that I need more beads to finish some bracelet orders. Once inside I found a cute bag addressed to me with several packages of beads and a gift card inside. We’ve received amazing support from friends who felt called to contribute to our journey and have an ongoing prayer network spanning across the country. Even though we constantly have to justify what we’re doing and why we’re doing it this way, God continues to be faithful. Each of our followers, whether family, friend, or stranger, is a blessing. We feel your prayers and well-wishes. We know you’re with us on this journey and that this child or children are already in your hearts. Oh, have I mentioned that? There’s this box on the adoption application that you can check if you’re open to multiple children. Carey completed the rough draft application and I completed the final draft. When I got to that box, I felt a little tug in my heart. Just a little tug that said “what if there’s a sibling group? Are you going to say no to a sibling group?” I said a prayer and asked Carey, fully expecting him to say we can only handle one, and much to my surprise he said sure! So thank you for loving us and all of our children wherever they are, and being part of our journey.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Oops!
All of this time I thought hitting ENTER took me to the next line and created a new paragraph. Apparently not. Sorry about that folks. You’re still stuck with spelling and grammar mistakes but thanks to Tim, new blog posts will read a little less like a super long run on sentence.
While I’m here let me update you on our progress. We’re searching for a Hague Accredited Home study Agency to begin our home study process. We haven’t raised the money needed for the home study, but I’m trusting God to provide. There are many home study agencies out there, but because of our international adoption from Ethiopia, we need an agency with that accreditation. Basically, this was a treaty signed in 2000 to interfere with the crazy amount of child trafficking done through corrupt agencies. It’s in place to protect the children and make sure they weren’t stolen from an intact family and sold for a profit. I’m thankful this is required.
The home study process looks something like this:
Several interviews of prospective parents
Assessments of background, family history, medical history, social environment, reasons for adoption, ability to handle adoption
Assessment of physical, mental & emotional health and behavioral issues
Description of income, financial resources, debts and expenses
Criminal history, substance abuse, neglect
Detailed assessment of current living conditions
So basically a home study is an opportunity to be raked over the coals and make sure no stone is left unturned. I get the importance of the process and I’m glad to do it, but I’m not looking forward to it. Prayers are welcome at this time for funds to come in and a speedy home study process. This takes several months.
While I’m here let me update you on our progress. We’re searching for a Hague Accredited Home study Agency to begin our home study process. We haven’t raised the money needed for the home study, but I’m trusting God to provide. There are many home study agencies out there, but because of our international adoption from Ethiopia, we need an agency with that accreditation. Basically, this was a treaty signed in 2000 to interfere with the crazy amount of child trafficking done through corrupt agencies. It’s in place to protect the children and make sure they weren’t stolen from an intact family and sold for a profit. I’m thankful this is required.
The home study process looks something like this:
Several interviews of prospective parents
Assessments of background, family history, medical history, social environment, reasons for adoption, ability to handle adoption
Assessment of physical, mental & emotional health and behavioral issues
Description of income, financial resources, debts and expenses
Criminal history, substance abuse, neglect
Detailed assessment of current living conditions
So basically a home study is an opportunity to be raked over the coals and make sure no stone is left unturned. I get the importance of the process and I’m glad to do it, but I’m not looking forward to it. Prayers are welcome at this time for funds to come in and a speedy home study process. This takes several months.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Part 2
I made ya wait a bit, didn't I? :) Yesterday was a busy day back to school day for Aisley and pretty emotional for Hayes. Much to my surprise, my big girl was calm, cool, and collected, while Hayes struggled to leave his sister behind. I had to drag him away from the classroom while he cried and yelled "Yuve you sissy! yuve you! yuve you sissy!" all the way down the hall. Precious babies. I have the most precious babies. Today was a little better. He didn't cry, but continued the loud professions of love. As you can imagine, nap time didn't go well, so I'm a day behind. My apologies.
There's so much on my mind tonight. First of all, we're just so incredibly grateful for the huge outreach of support from friends. We wouldn't be able to do this without your fb posts, emails, text messages, cards, and phone calls. I'm completely and totally reliant on you because, well, my faith isn't strong enough. I'm in this for sure, but there are so many times throughout the day when I already feel discouraged and I can't help but wonder how we're ever going to pull off an adoption. Fortunately, God reminds me that I can't, but He can. This is a battle in so many ways friends, and honestly we haven't even started. But looking at the big picture is so overwhelming, I just want to grab my two babies and bunker down in bed for all of eternity. Then God in all of His goodness reminds me that I don't have the spirit of timidity. When I approach the adoption with its huge price tag and small window of opportunity, without faith and hope, I approach it as a slave to this world. By the grace of God and through the blood of Christ Jesus, I can confidently move forward trusting God to sustain and provide for His will to be done. So I didn't hide out in bed today, I just repeated "Your grace is sufficient". That's all I know to do. When I focus on $36,000, it seems impossible. When I focus on His grace, anything seems possible. This is all I know to do and I'm still not very good at it.
Speaking of knowledge, I sure like to talk a lot about God. I hope that doesn't come across as a claim of knowing much about God, His will, or the Bible. Most of you know that I grew up in church, parted ways like most college kids my age, and came back after having kids. Some of you were shocked when all of a sudden I was a Bible-beating Radical and thought of me as a hypocrite. You'reprobably definitely right. God used our move to Cincinnati as a way to bring me back to Him. More on that later, but for now, let me be clear that I know nothing. I'm learning and growing as a toddler in my faith. A year from now I'll read back over these posts and wonder what in the world I was thinking. I'll be able to see the mistakes that you may see already. Bear with me as I mature. Forgive me as I continue to sin and rebel. My intentions aren't to be a hypocrite or a know-it-all. I'm just sorting through life as a new follower and not very good at it.
Part 2. For real this time...
Skin color. I've heard it many ways: "So, why Ethiopia?" or "why a black kid?" or "umm, you know she's gonna be black, right?” I never knew whether to knock some sense into them or just laugh at their ignorance. Either response is inappropriate because it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. Why respond with anger? Because I've struggled with the skin color thing too and it upsets me. I'm ashamed that it was ever of question for me. I'm angry because I can relate to their question and I shouldn't be able to relate. I'm angry because I don't feel like I ever had a chance to decide whether or not skin color mattered, it was decided for me by our culture and society. Now, I'm begging you not to make this something it's not. I have black friends and I adore them. This isn't a prejudice or superior race issue. I totally believe that all men are created in the image of God, regardless of color. So if this is what I claim to believe, why is the skin color of my precious baby an issue? Because it's different. Because now I have to really make sure I truly take God at His word when He says all men are created in His image, even if it didn't feel that way growing up. Now I have to uproot any unspoken "rules" regarding race and make sure to cast out all of those demons. You see, I didn't actually believe I had an issue with skin color. After all, I have a brother adopted from South Korea. He has brown skin and there's something wrong with his eyes, but we never saw him as different in any way. (I'm kidding, y'all!) But the fact is that I've had to process through this kind of "different". I'm having to take inventory of my heart and purposely say "Biblically (whatever belief was projected on to me by society or culture) doesn't stand, so even though "that's the way it was"; I believe that it's not "the way it is".
The next response is the opposite of anger: laugh at their ignorance. Laughter in this situation is a mask denying prejudice still exists. Laughter shames the other person for pointing out something so obvious and hides the fact that I hadn't concreted my beliefs in this area.
Both anger and laughter are reactions to a question that needed to be addressed. I've prayed over it and thought over it, and I no longer need to react in either way. I can admit that there were boundaries placed by culture and society that I needed to sort through with a Biblical perspective. I'm not claiming that I ever had a problem with skin of any color, but I did simply accept things because I was told "that's just the way it is". I needed to understand the issues that will arise and be able to handle them appropriately. And I needed to make sure my heart was right so that I'm prepared for those who are coming at me with the race card. I know my heart is pure and I no longer have to defend our decision to adopt a child with a different skin color. I don't need to defend it because the issue isn't within me; it's within them and has been all along. My reaction of anger or laughter isn't going to show grace and love. They need a mature answer that proves I believe all of God's promises, even the promise that ALL men (not just white men) are created in God's image (not our image).
We can't pick and choose which parts of the Bible we like and are comfortable with. It's all or none. We believe that all men are created in the image of God just as we believe God sent HIs only son so that we may have everlasting life.
So when someone asks why we're adopting our precious, perfect, cherished, longed for, and well loved, child from Ethiopia, what will my response be? Maybe I'll just break into song...
Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight
Jesus loves the little children of the world!
There's so much on my mind tonight. First of all, we're just so incredibly grateful for the huge outreach of support from friends. We wouldn't be able to do this without your fb posts, emails, text messages, cards, and phone calls. I'm completely and totally reliant on you because, well, my faith isn't strong enough. I'm in this for sure, but there are so many times throughout the day when I already feel discouraged and I can't help but wonder how we're ever going to pull off an adoption. Fortunately, God reminds me that I can't, but He can. This is a battle in so many ways friends, and honestly we haven't even started. But looking at the big picture is so overwhelming, I just want to grab my two babies and bunker down in bed for all of eternity. Then God in all of His goodness reminds me that I don't have the spirit of timidity. When I approach the adoption with its huge price tag and small window of opportunity, without faith and hope, I approach it as a slave to this world. By the grace of God and through the blood of Christ Jesus, I can confidently move forward trusting God to sustain and provide for His will to be done. So I didn't hide out in bed today, I just repeated "Your grace is sufficient". That's all I know to do. When I focus on $36,000, it seems impossible. When I focus on His grace, anything seems possible. This is all I know to do and I'm still not very good at it.
Speaking of knowledge, I sure like to talk a lot about God. I hope that doesn't come across as a claim of knowing much about God, His will, or the Bible. Most of you know that I grew up in church, parted ways like most college kids my age, and came back after having kids. Some of you were shocked when all of a sudden I was a Bible-beating Radical and thought of me as a hypocrite. You're
Part 2. For real this time...
Skin color. I've heard it many ways: "So, why Ethiopia?" or "why a black kid?" or "umm, you know she's gonna be black, right?” I never knew whether to knock some sense into them or just laugh at their ignorance. Either response is inappropriate because it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. Why respond with anger? Because I've struggled with the skin color thing too and it upsets me. I'm ashamed that it was ever of question for me. I'm angry because I can relate to their question and I shouldn't be able to relate. I'm angry because I don't feel like I ever had a chance to decide whether or not skin color mattered, it was decided for me by our culture and society. Now, I'm begging you not to make this something it's not. I have black friends and I adore them. This isn't a prejudice or superior race issue. I totally believe that all men are created in the image of God, regardless of color. So if this is what I claim to believe, why is the skin color of my precious baby an issue? Because it's different. Because now I have to really make sure I truly take God at His word when He says all men are created in His image, even if it didn't feel that way growing up. Now I have to uproot any unspoken "rules" regarding race and make sure to cast out all of those demons. You see, I didn't actually believe I had an issue with skin color. After all, I have a brother adopted from South Korea. He has brown skin and there's something wrong with his eyes, but we never saw him as different in any way. (I'm kidding, y'all!) But the fact is that I've had to process through this kind of "different". I'm having to take inventory of my heart and purposely say "Biblically (whatever belief was projected on to me by society or culture) doesn't stand, so even though "that's the way it was"; I believe that it's not "the way it is".
The next response is the opposite of anger: laugh at their ignorance. Laughter in this situation is a mask denying prejudice still exists. Laughter shames the other person for pointing out something so obvious and hides the fact that I hadn't concreted my beliefs in this area.
Both anger and laughter are reactions to a question that needed to be addressed. I've prayed over it and thought over it, and I no longer need to react in either way. I can admit that there were boundaries placed by culture and society that I needed to sort through with a Biblical perspective. I'm not claiming that I ever had a problem with skin of any color, but I did simply accept things because I was told "that's just the way it is". I needed to understand the issues that will arise and be able to handle them appropriately. And I needed to make sure my heart was right so that I'm prepared for those who are coming at me with the race card. I know my heart is pure and I no longer have to defend our decision to adopt a child with a different skin color. I don't need to defend it because the issue isn't within me; it's within them and has been all along. My reaction of anger or laughter isn't going to show grace and love. They need a mature answer that proves I believe all of God's promises, even the promise that ALL men (not just white men) are created in God's image (not our image).
We can't pick and choose which parts of the Bible we like and are comfortable with. It's all or none. We believe that all men are created in the image of God just as we believe God sent HIs only son so that we may have everlasting life.
So when someone asks why we're adopting our precious, perfect, cherished, longed for, and well loved, child from Ethiopia, what will my response be? Maybe I'll just break into song...
Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight
Jesus loves the little children of the world!
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Areas of concern
This one's gonna be tough. There are some underlying issues with this adoption that need to be addressed and some confessions that well, need to be confessed. My prayer is that God uses this post to reach into the far corners of the heart and sheds light on an area (or two) of discomfort. Two areas of concern here: finances and skin color.
"You have $20,000 worth of credit card debt and $250,000 worth of student loans. You need a new refrigerator, dishwasher, and your house is desperate for a paint job, what business do you have in adopting a child right now?" "You'll have plenty of money in the future, can't you just wait?" "Why do you have to be so impatient and impulsive?"
These are the words and thoughts of concerned family members. But do they worry because they don't trust our judgment? Or because they don't have faith that God will provide? Or because deep down they're afraid they will have to bail us out? Finances have always been tricky for us. I've explained the cost of the 13 residency interviews. I've mentioned the cost of moving across the country. There's also a price for me to stay at home with kiddos. Not to say we're smart with our money and haven't made mistakes, we certainly have. But we don't shop much or go on vacations often, or whatever else people spend money on. In fact, our biggest spending problem is food. Lots, and lots of food. I'm sure each of you have that same problem, eh? Now obviously, being that far behind isn't where anyone wants to stay long. Carey's working as many extra shifts as possible to play catch up and I babysit. Kind of. Well, not really. I keep our little friend 1 day a week and get paid entirely too much. Anyway, when God began putting adoption on our heart a year ago we were told to take care of debt. Several agencies recommended that we have a positive net worth before adopting. WHAT??? This was bitter sweet for us because it let us off the hook. We can't adopt right now anyway, might as well carry on with our comfortable life and avoid inconveince, sacrifice, and having to deny ourselves some of life's little pleasures.
But God wouldn't accept our excuses and made sure we saw it. Carey couldn't avoid adoption stories at work and they were in every magazine I picked up. God wouldn't accept our previous spending as an excuse. Even when the odds were against us, our adoption application was approved.
Now friends are fighting for our fundraising cause and money is coming in to cover the cost of this adoption. We can't help but to sit back and look at how God has been faithful in moving mountains so far. He's asked us to just show up and let Him work. When you have a God that does the impossible, are you really going to tell Him it's not the right time or I don't have enough saved for retirement? Show me where God mentions retirement in the Bible and I'll show you His commands to care for orphans. Prove to me that God prefers that we be debt-free before reaching out to others. Our transformation requires that we follow Jesus and try to live as he did. It's been clear to us that God isn't worried about our debt or how financially insecure we are. He's concerned for every single person that we're going to impact for His glory during this journey. He's concerned for those who are going to be called to give big and trust Him. For the Muslim on the plane next to us when we fly to Ethiopia. A non-believing facebook friend reading every status update. A social worker. A neighbor. He's concerned about growing our faith when the odds are stacked against us. And He's concerned with an orphan in Ethiopia. It boils down to this: God made it our business to adopt despite our financial situation. Stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow!
"You have $20,000 worth of credit card debt and $250,000 worth of student loans. You need a new refrigerator, dishwasher, and your house is desperate for a paint job, what business do you have in adopting a child right now?" "You'll have plenty of money in the future, can't you just wait?" "Why do you have to be so impatient and impulsive?"
These are the words and thoughts of concerned family members. But do they worry because they don't trust our judgment? Or because they don't have faith that God will provide? Or because deep down they're afraid they will have to bail us out? Finances have always been tricky for us. I've explained the cost of the 13 residency interviews. I've mentioned the cost of moving across the country. There's also a price for me to stay at home with kiddos. Not to say we're smart with our money and haven't made mistakes, we certainly have. But we don't shop much or go on vacations often, or whatever else people spend money on. In fact, our biggest spending problem is food. Lots, and lots of food. I'm sure each of you have that same problem, eh? Now obviously, being that far behind isn't where anyone wants to stay long. Carey's working as many extra shifts as possible to play catch up and I babysit. Kind of. Well, not really. I keep our little friend 1 day a week and get paid entirely too much. Anyway, when God began putting adoption on our heart a year ago we were told to take care of debt. Several agencies recommended that we have a positive net worth before adopting. WHAT??? This was bitter sweet for us because it let us off the hook. We can't adopt right now anyway, might as well carry on with our comfortable life and avoid inconveince, sacrifice, and having to deny ourselves some of life's little pleasures.
But God wouldn't accept our excuses and made sure we saw it. Carey couldn't avoid adoption stories at work and they were in every magazine I picked up. God wouldn't accept our previous spending as an excuse. Even when the odds were against us, our adoption application was approved.
Now friends are fighting for our fundraising cause and money is coming in to cover the cost of this adoption. We can't help but to sit back and look at how God has been faithful in moving mountains so far. He's asked us to just show up and let Him work. When you have a God that does the impossible, are you really going to tell Him it's not the right time or I don't have enough saved for retirement? Show me where God mentions retirement in the Bible and I'll show you His commands to care for orphans. Prove to me that God prefers that we be debt-free before reaching out to others. Our transformation requires that we follow Jesus and try to live as he did. It's been clear to us that God isn't worried about our debt or how financially insecure we are. He's concerned for every single person that we're going to impact for His glory during this journey. He's concerned for those who are going to be called to give big and trust Him. For the Muslim on the plane next to us when we fly to Ethiopia. A non-believing facebook friend reading every status update. A social worker. A neighbor. He's concerned about growing our faith when the odds are stacked against us. And He's concerned with an orphan in Ethiopia. It boils down to this: God made it our business to adopt despite our financial situation. Stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow!
Welcome!
Now is a great time to welcome our new readers and 1 new follower ;)So, WELCOME!!!
Let me take a moment to apologize in advance for the spelling and grammar errors. If I knew where the spell check button is on the new blogger page, I’d be more likely to use it.
I also want to take a quick minute to recap what we’re up to these days. Our adoption application was approved against all odds and months before we were ready, so we are passionately working at fundraising efforts. I had a huge bin of beads left by my great-grandmother and even more given to me from a dear friend (thanks Katie!) so I knew that would be a great place to start an Etsy-worthy project. I’ve never made jewelry, so I’m painfully slow and don’t have a perfect product, but each bracelet I make and sell gets us so much closer to bring our child home from Ethiopia. Carey and I have been absolutely stunned by the encouragement and support of all of our friends, particularly of facebook. Many of my 100 bracelets sold over the weekend were totally strangers who saw our story on a friend’s facebook page. People are just seriously amazing me right now. In fact, it’s making me kind of nervous. I even had several people ASK Me if THEY could fundraise for me! How nuts is that? Yesterday I walked into a yogurt place with the kids and practically ran into a huge sign reading “LET US HELP YOU FUNDRAISE”. What? Really? It seems like God is all over this adoption story (duh) and totally has our back. Granted, I’m more likely to notice something like that these days, but common, that’s not a coincidence. So we’re off to a fantastic start in our goal to raise $20,000 for adoption costs. Too good of a start, I’m afraid. Oh ye of little faith (me), is beginning to wonder where the stumbling blocks and setbacks are. It’s common to hear of adoption stories being delayed and prolonged, I’ve never heard of one progressing smoothly and quickly. If you’ve prayed for us, don’t stop. If you stop and problems arise, I’ll totally blame you. ;)
Monday, September 10, 2012
Transparency
I feel like I’m receiving mixed reviews about the transparency of our situation. Some like the openness and honesty. Others think we’re airing out our dirty laundry for the whole world to see….and we pretty much are. I struggle with this too. It’s a pride thing. No one wants to be weak or vulnerable. We strive to live independent and outwardly flawless lives, don’t we? If we didn’t, someone might judge us. Or worse, we might have to admit that we’re actually not as good as we think we are. Ouch. When this back-and-forth conversation is going on in my head, one thing settles it. What will I give to bring our child home? Would I live a transparent life if it were Aisley or Hayes over there? You better your bottom I would. And I would repost my Etsy shop and GoFundMe page all over the cyber world and on every street corner until I got them home forever. What’s the difference with my Ethiopian child? There is none. God will humble me through every online plea and I’m OK with that. I’m fighting tooth and nail for the completion of our family through this adoption. God’s putting this stubbornness to work to bring Him glory instead of satisfying my own worldly desires. So be it if that means swallowing my pride and airing out my dirty laundry.
http://www.gofundme.com/watsonfamilyadoption
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Disciples of all the nations
Wow. Were to begin? God is moving around here, for sure. Moving as in 20 bracelets sold at church this morning. Can you believe that??? Our church worship has brought me to tears many times over the last few months. Tears for a child that isn’t here yet. Tears for a child that in this very moment is dealing with a tragic separation from her mother. She’s never going to be the same. She’ll forever be separated from her land, her culture, her people. She’s not going to grow up with her God-designed family because of the consequence of sin. BUT fortunately God has mercy on his people and will bring her home with us, someday. During worship this morning I remembered that God is in those places too. They don’t know it and she doesn’t know it, but God (welcomed or not) is in that orphanage. Every single day I beg Him to put a peace in her tiny heart. To bless her with an ounce of hope. She doesn’t yet know what or who it is, but she will. Someday I’ll tell her how we all prayed diligently for her. For now, it’s so comforting to know that God is there.
I also wondered this morning, if anyone was leading worship in her orphanage. Surely there’s a Christian orphanage in Ethiopia, right? But there are roughly 4.3 million orphans in Ethiopia as well. I cried thinking about those lost children and lost caregivers. Maybe one day I’ll be able to lead worship in an Ethiopian orphanage. You know, because I’m a super talent singer and musician. You see, our journey won’t be over after the adoption. God tells us to make disciples of all the nations (Matthew 28:19) and he doesn’t want us to do that just once. So we pray that God is glorified through our adoption and lives are forever changed. Then we’ll do the next thing he asks, even if it involves leading worship in orphanages!
God is also moving in the area of compassion. I consider myself to be a compassionate person, but this week has opened my eyes to another area where I needed to show more mercy. You see, every time I post about adoption on the blog, facebook, or our gofundme site, I’m basically begging for money. Do you know how hard it is to beg for money? It’s incredibly hard. I don’t like to ask for help, much less beg for money. I feel like the girl on the street corner with a cardboard sign, praying someone will have pity on me. I know, I know, many of you think she should get a job or give up drugs, or go to a shelter/safe house. Consider this: do you REALLY think she likes begging for money? She has no pride, no self-esteem, and no hope for her future. Even if it is a drug or alcohol problem, do you actually think she would choose that over a normal, middle class lifestyle? There are the few who abuse the system, I get that. Even then, why do they do it? My guess is they don’t know the love of Christ. They don’t have a Savior leading them away from lying, cheating, stealing, or addiction. Of course, begging for your support in our adoption journey is nothing like the problems of those on the streets. But if you think it’s easy to beg for money, you’re dead wrong. God is moving in me to have even more compassion for those begging on the streets. It’s not my position to judge why they’re begging, it’s my position to love them and let that love lead them to Christ.
Thank you, thank you, to all of you who are sharing our story, buying bracelets, and donating. Thank you even more to those of you who are interceding for us in prayer. This fight isn’t about money; it’s about uniting an abandoned child with her forever family. It’s about being part of something bigger than each of us and fulfilling our role in a chain reaction that reaches to all the nations.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Ouch
I just sat down to review the next steps in our journey and they're going to be painful.Painful as in about $4,000. That means I need to sell 267 bracelets folks. Which at 30 minutes a bracelet, is 8,010 hours of work. That would be 334 days if I made 2 bracelets an hour for 24 hours without stopping. That's not going to happen. Not even close. But have no fear, I'm an idealist. I love dreaming up the impossible. And if I can't come up with something, I'll recruit bracelet makers. :)Please join us in praying for God's hand to move and for hearts to be open to our cause.
Now, let's see what else is going on around here...
Hayes: His vocabulary has exploded in the last week. It honestly is the most adorable thing to listen as he proudly points at something and says the word. He calls all other things "bink". I have no idea where that came from but he asks for bink, referes to bink, and has conversations about bink all of the time. Of the words he does know, they all end in T. Moont. Ament. Downt. He calls Aisley "sissy" and thinks she hung the moont. She's become somewhat annoyed by that in the last day or two though. Hayes is everything boy and loves to play vroom vrooms, dig in the dirt, play basketball, ride bikes (trike), drive his sister's barbie jeep into the deep, dark corners of the backyard, run around with sticks, and especially show you his amazing running and jumping skills. He still sucks his thumb most of the time and for now, goes to bed quite easily. That was not the case for the month of July, however. At bedtime he loves to review the names of my facial features (because now he know chint), give butterfly kisses, eskimo kisses, and make fish faces. His bedtime routine takes all of 2 minutes. He will pat the pillow beside his bed and say "night night, Momma. Night night" and it takes every ounce of me not to crawl in beside him and squeeze that sweet boy all night. He is a chunky, ornery, smelly, ball of precious energy that I can't get enough of. He also has an odd obsession with hats. Today he wore his dad's large sombrero, a princess helmet, and a cowboy hat, for much of the day. Not all at once, obviously. That boy loves bath time. Say the word and he'll drop everything run to the bath tub and be inside with the water running before I even hit the door. With all close and both shoes on, of course. He is sure to meet every passerby with a loud and cheerful hello, doesn't know a stranger, and will settle in anyone's lap if they are willing to read him a story. He adores his pets and any other animal he runs into. Hayes is also growing more fearful of heights by the day. Don't dare throw that boy up in the air, he'll be sure to make you regret it. Elmo is his favorite T.V show and his favorite toys are animals, tractors, cars, choo choos, and puzzles. His favorite songs are Twinkle Little Star and If you're Happy and You Know it. Ask him where Jesus lives and he'll point to his heart. He sure melts mine.
Aisley: Oh my, this girl warms my heart. Now, some of what I'll say about her at this stage may seem negative, but it's not. I love and adore this child with my whole being, but I do need to document how she tortures us, just for future reference. :)My sweet Aisley prays all of the time and I love it. We pray over our meals, anytime we hear sirens or see ANY vehicle with lights on top-whether they are the water meter reader, electric company, or an emergency vehicle, and even if the lights are off. She's very much into princess stuff, dress up, playing barbies and babies, and anything girlie. She's super bossy and sassy, and drags her poor brother around dressing him up in butterfly headbands and clip-on earrings. She learned to read and spell her 1st word this summer: Z-O-O. She writes her first name and struggles with the S and E. She wishes her new sister was already here and calls orphans "orphadivers". This is really weird to me, is that like orphan and cadiver? Or maybe scubadiver? I'm going with that one...Aisley LOVES to sing and twirl and put on shows. With the windows open now, our neightbors are getting an earful!Her favorite color is pink. Someday she wants a car with pink and white polka dots, just like her favorite leggings. She refuses to go to sleep and comes downstairs every few minutes insisting that she just can't fall asleep. She's not much for digging in dirt, freaks out if her brother touches her with dirty hands, and refuses to touch random fuzz on the floor because it's "gross". She really is a demanding,prissy, drama queen, and I couldn't love her more. Aisley's favorite song is Matt Redman's 10,000 Reasons and she only knows this part "Bless the Lord, Oh my soul, Oo-oo-oh my soul". Her favorite movie is My Little Pony, she still carries her tattered, old lovie pony around, and she asks me all of the time when she'll get to be a grown up. Too soon, my love, too soon.
Carey:He just returned from our neighbor's front porch where he's been sipping beverages for an hour. I could hear our neightbor's amazing laugh through the windows. He has the kind of laugh that makes you laugh when you hear it, even from across the street. I love to hear Mark laugh and I'm so grateful for awesome neighbors to laugh with. Carey performed surgery on 40 mice last week. He did 40 mouse transplant surgeries. Crazy, huh? He said that after doing surgery on a teeny, tiny mouse, humans should be easy. Right, except that there are 15 other people in the room with humans and we actually care that they live. I didn't mention that part to him though. I'll let him enjoy his no pressure, one-on-one mouse surgeries for a few years. He deserves that much. Sometime I'll fill y'all in on the crazy crap they have for these mice. Seriously high-tech stuff for lab mice these days. Back to Carey, he doesn't do any of his old stuff anymore. No watching football, studying at coffee shops, or going to the gym. If he sits, he sleeps. If he sits with the kids around, they crawl all over him while he sleeps. His favorite color is still green. He doesn't have a favorite movie because he hasn't seen one in ages, and his favorite song is Twinkle Little Star too. Because Hayes makes sure of it. He's given up all OCD tendancies for pure survival mode and just prays he'll keep his hair. :)
Me: I'm not very exciting. I spend lots of time running circles around two cute kiddos, avoiding laundry, and walking dogs. This summer consisted of swimming pools, sprinkler parties, and parks. I garden when I can, craft when I can, and facebook too often. My favorite color is turquoise, I don't watch t.v. or movies, and my favorite song is anything not on that blasted toddler CD. I have to regain musical authority in my car before my theme song becomes Farmer and the Dale. That just can't happen.
There you have it. Complete updates on all four of us. My, aren't we fascinating!
faithfulness, humility, and the lack thereof....
My sweet, sweet Aisley is starting to ask those challenging questions: who made God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit? Where do they live? Where do angels live? What do they do? Can just die when you die so we can go to heaven together? Can we just not talk about dying anymore and talk about ring-around-the roses instead? (She explained that talking about dying makes her feel worried and nervous.) I wasn’t prepared for these questions. I really thought I’d have 2 more years until this type of conversation came about. Lastly she asked if our orphan from Africa is growing in my belly. Now this is all so funny and cute until I have to explain the sad, sad, truth. How do you teach a 4 year old that her baby brother or sister is going to be born of another mother and then some tragic event will cause her to be permanently separated from her birthparents? I’m guilty of shielding my kids from the cruel realities of the world and sugarcoating life to avoid the “hard stuff”. Isn’t it that only natural? But now it’s important for her to understand in her own little way, what her sibling will have to experience before getting to come home. This also means that I have to step out of my comfort zone and face what my child could be experiencing right now. Pray for her early years, will you?
Earlier this week Carey and I began to really explore fundraising options. I realized just how difficult raising money for adoption will be. It’s extremely hard to announce to people that our family has made a decision to adopt, but we are totally and completely reliant on their financial assistance. It’s hard to put pride aside and ask for help. It’s hard to face the possibility of rejection when someone doesn’t share this vision with us and just says no. And it’s hard to imagine and risk failure. What if we can’t raise the money? We won’t be able to bring our child home, to save her from her miserable orphanage and bring her into our loving home? And how do you give back the money you have earned? What if you’ve already paid the adoption agency and can’t get a refund, how will your donors feel when there’s no adoption and no reimbursement? This is a way that God is humbling me and growing my faith. I believe this is one of many ways He’ll grow us through our adoption journey and we’re grateful that each of you are in this with us.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Against all odds
By the grace of God our adoption application was APPROVED! It wasn't pretty. It was downright embarrassing. As I looked over it last night I was reminded again that we would need divine intervention for any of this to work out. I’m happy to say that it can only be God’s will for us to move forward because no one in their right mind would have approved us. Thanks to each one of you who prayed on our behalf and are traveling this road with us. We’re going to need you!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Bracelet Fundraiser
Here goes nothin!
Yikes! The application is in and paid for! So exciting and so much pressure. This morning I realized that I'll be living in fear of rejection for the next 2 years. We'll just say 2 years, but we all know that we only have 1 year and 10 months for this to work. Not that I'm counting or anything.
I feel that many people are asking "what about the two kids you already have? What about Aisley and Hayes?". That's an easy one. Aisly is super excited to have a sister to play with and Hayes couldn't care less. Living out what God has asked us to do will allow Him to teach them so many lessons that we couldn't teach them. Plus, what would it say about who God is and our faith if we didn't follow this calling? If we didn't do this we would be telling our kids that it's ok to ignore God's prompting if it's hard or uncomfortable. We might as well say that we don't believe God's plan is better or that we don't have the faith to trust Him. Even if we "fail" at this attempt to adopt, Aisley and Hayes will see that following God's command is a priority, takes faith, and that God is in control. These are things I want to model to my kids.
Alright, moving on. The next step is to wait about a week to see if our application is approved. If it's not approved, then we'll take a step back, pay off debt and pray. Our next opportunity to adopt won't be for 7-9 years, so we'll have lots of time to adjust. If we are approved, then we will viciously attack fundraising so that we can pay the $20,000 worth of fees. If we are approved, please pray for our fundraising events. It will take divine intervention and God moving hearts in big ways to raise that kind of money. Praying will be the best way to support our family.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Adoption or bust!
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