There's so much on my mind tonight. First of all, we're just so incredibly grateful for the huge outreach of support from friends. We wouldn't be able to do this without your fb posts, emails, text messages, cards, and phone calls. I'm completely and totally reliant on you because, well, my faith isn't strong enough. I'm in this for sure, but there are so many times throughout the day when I already feel discouraged and I can't help but wonder how we're ever going to pull off an adoption. Fortunately, God reminds me that I can't, but He can. This is a battle in so many ways friends, and honestly we haven't even started. But looking at the big picture is so overwhelming, I just want to grab my two babies and bunker down in bed for all of eternity. Then God in all of His goodness reminds me that I don't have the spirit of timidity. When I approach the adoption with its huge price tag and small window of opportunity, without faith and hope, I approach it as a slave to this world. By the grace of God and through the blood of Christ Jesus, I can confidently move forward trusting God to sustain and provide for His will to be done. So I didn't hide out in bed today, I just repeated "Your grace is sufficient". That's all I know to do. When I focus on $36,000, it seems impossible. When I focus on His grace, anything seems possible. This is all I know to do and I'm still not very good at it.
Speaking of knowledge, I sure like to talk a lot about God. I hope that doesn't come across as a claim of knowing much about God, His will, or the Bible. Most of you know that I grew up in church, parted ways like most college kids my age, and came back after having kids. Some of you were shocked when all of a sudden I was a Bible-beating Radical and thought of me as a hypocrite. You're
Part 2. For real this time...
Skin color. I've heard it many ways: "So, why Ethiopia?" or "why a black kid?" or "umm, you know she's gonna be black, right?” I never knew whether to knock some sense into them or just laugh at their ignorance. Either response is inappropriate because it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. Why respond with anger? Because I've struggled with the skin color thing too and it upsets me. I'm ashamed that it was ever of question for me. I'm angry because I can relate to their question and I shouldn't be able to relate. I'm angry because I don't feel like I ever had a chance to decide whether or not skin color mattered, it was decided for me by our culture and society. Now, I'm begging you not to make this something it's not. I have black friends and I adore them. This isn't a prejudice or superior race issue. I totally believe that all men are created in the image of God, regardless of color. So if this is what I claim to believe, why is the skin color of my precious baby an issue? Because it's different. Because now I have to really make sure I truly take God at His word when He says all men are created in His image, even if it didn't feel that way growing up. Now I have to uproot any unspoken "rules" regarding race and make sure to cast out all of those demons. You see, I didn't actually believe I had an issue with skin color. After all, I have a brother adopted from South Korea. He has brown skin and there's something wrong with his eyes, but we never saw him as different in any way. (I'm kidding, y'all!) But the fact is that I've had to process through this kind of "different". I'm having to take inventory of my heart and purposely say "Biblically (whatever belief was projected on to me by society or culture) doesn't stand, so even though "that's the way it was"; I believe that it's not "the way it is".
The next response is the opposite of anger: laugh at their ignorance. Laughter in this situation is a mask denying prejudice still exists. Laughter shames the other person for pointing out something so obvious and hides the fact that I hadn't concreted my beliefs in this area.
Both anger and laughter are reactions to a question that needed to be addressed. I've prayed over it and thought over it, and I no longer need to react in either way. I can admit that there were boundaries placed by culture and society that I needed to sort through with a Biblical perspective. I'm not claiming that I ever had a problem with skin of any color, but I did simply accept things because I was told "that's just the way it is". I needed to understand the issues that will arise and be able to handle them appropriately. And I needed to make sure my heart was right so that I'm prepared for those who are coming at me with the race card. I know my heart is pure and I no longer have to defend our decision to adopt a child with a different skin color. I don't need to defend it because the issue isn't within me; it's within them and has been all along. My reaction of anger or laughter isn't going to show grace and love. They need a mature answer that proves I believe all of God's promises, even the promise that ALL men (not just white men) are created in God's image (not our image).
We can't pick and choose which parts of the Bible we like and are comfortable with. It's all or none. We believe that all men are created in the image of God just as we believe God sent HIs only son so that we may have everlasting life.
So when someone asks why we're adopting our precious, perfect, cherished, longed for, and well loved, child from Ethiopia, what will my response be? Maybe I'll just break into song...
Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight
Jesus loves the little children of the world!
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