Adoption or bust!

Have you ever felt like you were supposed to do something? Something that you wouldn’t ordinarily do because it is a little uncomfortable or maybe even risky? Did you try to run and hide? Pretend you didn’t notice? Convince the voice in your head that it’s totally not the right time for that? That’s exactly how our adoption story begins. The Holy Spirit started at me last January. Maybe earlier, I just didn’t listen. But January is when I could no long ignore Him. Now, most of you know how stubborn I am. So I’m fortunate to love a patient and merciful God who is the maker of all hardheaded and dense beings…like me. God loves to teach me lessons in persistence and because I have a tendency to say NO Way, He lovingly and deliberately beats me over the head with the same idea until I finally surrender. The lesson I’ve learned and am still learning? God is far more persistent and strong-willed than I could ever be. So a series of events continued to occur for many months before Carey and I sat down and seriously considered adoption. We were finally ready to check out the whole adoption thing and jump in. But there were many stumbling blocks: cost of adoption, positive net worth (umm…so doctors can’t adopt until they’re like 60 then?) not to mention the restriction of certain mental health medications (this would be a good time to admit Carey and I aren’t as sane and perfect as we seem. What??? You never ONCE thought that about us? Humph!) and lastly, there’s a travel requirement that isn’t exactly resident-friendly. We are required to go to Ethiopia twice towards the end of the process. 1st trip is an appearance in court and to meet your child. 2nd trip is to actually bring that baby home for good! You’re usually not given a whole lot of notice before these two trips and we knew that would be an issue once Carey is out of the research years and in the role of Chief Resident (yay!). So basically, the odds were stacked against us and the only logical thing to do was to pay off all bad debt and see if any agency would listen to us plea about student loans. I think that plan actually satisfied Carey, who was not exactly in the position during his “80 hour” work weeks (yeah, right) to mentally or emotionally prepare for adoption. I however, was not satisfied. Go figure. I need to check with several agencies to make sure there was no way of beginning now. Sadly, they confirmed my fear and gave Carey many months to adjust and prepare for adoption. Isn’t it nice how great God’s timing is? So I tried to drop the subject and wait patiently. And by that I mean, I only mentioned it a few times a week instead of a few times an hour.  After starting to feel really discouraged, one day Carey finally said (totally out of the blue without any prompting or pouting from me) that he felt led and ready to begin the process. So we crunched numbers and glanced over the timeline and prayed, prayed, and prayed some more. He picked up as many moonlighting shifts as possible and we went back through our list of agencies. We set a goal to pay off credit cards and then try again. But I didn’t feel at peace about waiting this time. I couldn’t escape the sense that I needed to look deeper, try harder. My heart began to break for this child I know is over there waiting for her Momma. It started to become very real that my baby is huddled on a mat with 2 other kids without knowing that we’re coming. My baby goes through her day not being held, kissed, read to, loved on, or cherished. And that my friend, was just too much for this Momma and Daddy to bear. The Holy Spirit really did a number on us that time. Just broke our hearts. So I researched more and out of the clear blue sky, an agency I hadn’t seen before popped up! Just like magic! The agency fit our desires of being a Christian agency and held the appropriate credentials we insist upon. I thought, “Ok. This is it. This is the last thing I can do and if we’re rejected, then we’ll just have to wait another 9 years.” On Friday I wrote the executive director the shortest and most open email I could about our situation. I resisted the urge to beg, plea, and cry to him to accept us and give us our baby (because he’s got her locked up in the closet just waiting to be released, obviously)! And I started counting the minutes until he would be back in the office and respond to my message. Sunday we went to church and I cried, of course, for this baby girl and her suffering. I checked my email without much hope of a response and OH MY GOODNESS!!! There in my inbox was a message from the agency. I would’ve fallen over if I hadn’t been sitting. I know my heart skipped a beat and my stomach flew to my throat. This was it. This would determine our adoption story. “I think you can begin [the adoption process] now. Given your husband’s earning potential I think we could approve you in one of several programs.” I couldn’t talk. I could only get out gasps of air and weird sounds. I was prepared for rejection. I was prepared to wait 9 years when we were more stable. I was prepared to be told to pay off all bad debt and try again later, like all of the other agencies told us. Amazing isn’t it, how just a little encouragement restores your hope? We came home and Carey immediately started filling out the application and looking over details. We had been praying and hoping to know why God put this desire in our hearts, especially if we would have to wait so long to begin the process. Now we’re thrown to the opposite side of the car as this rollercoaster makes a sudden turn and begins the uphill climb. We went from being forced to take our time and apply later, which would give us lots of time to save and fundraise, to start now with no time to save and fundraise. As much faith as it’s going to take to round up the money, I much prefer to begin our journey now and get this baby home. So that’s it, that’s the beginning of our adoption story. We have every intention of displaying all of the process, emotion, and work that makes our story, right here on the blog. Please know that we want to be totally open about this so that our friends and family live this journey with us. It’s important to have your support and encouragement and even more important that you start to build a bond with our future child. You are thousands of miles away, but she needs you just as much as she needs us. You are her grandparents and great-grandparents. Her cousins, aunts, uncles, and neighbors. Most importantly, you are her prayer warriors and her village. Just as your love and care for Aisley and Hayes, you are beginning to love and care for her. While we will do so, so, much fundraising through our blog, family and friends don’t feel guilted into giving. All we ask is that you will support our journey through encouragement and prayers. We’ll leave the rest up to God!