30!

My surprise 30th birthday visitors!

The BIG 3-0! Oh No!

Today is my 30th birthday. I’ve been looking forward to turning 30 because it seems like the end of an era. I have to admit though, that this isn’t at all what I thought 30 would look like. I honestly pictured more of a “Sex and the City” version of 30. Or is it Sex IN the City? I never watched the show, obviously. From what I understand it’s about a few single ladies in their 30’s with great jobs, great friends, and a great social life. They wear cute clothes as they adventure through a fantastic social life. Of course there are a few things I tweaked in my version: take out all of the sleaze, smoking, and huge city. Add in a few cowboys, live music, and outdoorsy stuff. Basically give me all of the fun and none of the responsibility of settling down. Hmm. Besides a pair of cowboy boots and a few yearly hikes, 30 doesn’t look at all like I thought it would. I have all of the responsibility (plus some considering I’m a surgeon’s wife) of settling down and my glamorous social scene is at church. This is why I’m grateful God is in control and not me. My white picket fence and 2.5 kids are paradise and more of a blessing than I could’ve ever imagined.

I’ve thought a bit about this year and what it symbolizes to me. It’s the end of the selfish era. A 3rd of my life was spent learning through mistakes and putting myself 1st. Maybe I’ll have another 60 years to gain wisdom and knowledge and actually put my lessons learned into action. This leads me to some goals for my 30th year:

30 dates with my husband

30 dates with my children (15 each)

Send 30 encouragement cards

Donate 30 items each month

Volunteer 30x this year

Daily Random Act of Kindness-this is going to be something super small like taking my neighbor’s newspaper of the steps and leaving it on her doormat or leaving an encouraging note for the next person at the gas pump.

The year of 30 is completely and totally dedicated to giving, serving, and loving others. It’ll take some time to make this a habit, but hopefully it will become a little more natural to put others 1st.

It would also be awesome if I could go to Africa while 30…and maybe bring home a baby or two. ;)

If you would like to give me a birthday gift please order a bracelet from my etsy shop or donate to our website.

Where we are now...

I wanted to take a minute to update everyone on our process. Things are going very well and it's getting really busy now! We have solidified the adoption agreement with our agency and the home study agreement with another agency. So far our adoption costs are:

Application Fee: $300
Home study Fee: $2,500
Required Adoption Education $220

We have many potential adoptees following us now, so I want to be as transparent as possible in our journey. I’ll update the cost and requirements as we go along. We’ve finished 2 out of the 6 or so online courses required of us. They take about an hour and we do them from our home computer. I can’t complain about that at all! I’ve been surprised to learn of the ways adopted children continue to grieve throughout their life. Most people think that they should just be happy to have a family that “saved” them. They rarely consider that the child may wonder about and mourn the loss of birthparents, their culture, previous caregivers, siblings, and orphanage friends. Even if a child is adopted at birth they will still possibly grieve the loss of identity. On top of that, there are triggers that may provoke a sense of loss or ignite curiosity about their life before adoption and these triggers and responses may change at each developmental stage. Wow. One suggestion I really liked involved a life book. We’re beginning our child’s life book and will continue to add letters, pictures, cards, notes from siblings, and stuff from Ethiopia. I can’t wait to add stuff from Ethiopia. I really love this project.

Pride and Approval

Pride: the quality or state of being proud
Proud: having or displaying excessive self esteem.

Sigh….Why are my posts so heavy these days? My life isn’t this heavy at all. In fact, I’m pretty sure these ARE the good ol’ days. I’m at home with my babies every day. We sleep til 9:00, cuddle on the couch, read books, roll around on the floor, go for walks and play in the dirt. They still like me, want to be near me, listen to me when I talk, and believe what I say. Life is good.

But pride has a hold of me. Pride makes it really difficult to fundraise for this adoption. A few people wonder why we don’t just wait until we can pay for it ourselves. Let me just tell you, I wanted to. I wanted to be able to do this without the help of others. I wanted to be totally self reliant and sufficient. But I’m certain God had other plans. I don’t know how to explain why we had to do the adoption now except to say that my heart told me so. We put it off for months. We were told no by several agencies and were somewhat relieved. Being told yes would’ve meant that we wouldn’t have time to save for the adoption and would have to fundraise-gasp! But neither of us were at peace with that. God kept pulling us toward adoption even though we hadn’t had time to save. We were restless at the thought of a child over there waiting for us to get our crap together and swallow our pride. What would you do, huh? If God put this kind of hurt in your heart? Would you tell Him no, not now? Would you tell God the creator of everything (even money) that you needed more time to save? What if He whispered “just trust ME to provide”? God put this hurt in our hearts knowing good and well that we aren’t in a place financially to adopt. Every single day God tells me to swallow my pride and obey Him. Trust Him. Blindly take this leap of faith and let Him be victorious. Even if some people don’t like it, understand it, or agree with it.

That leaves me to another issue. The issue of needing approval. This is even more challenging than asking for money. I can justify adoption fundraising. I can’t defend my need for approval. And trust me, there’s a few that flat out disapprove. I hate that. I’m a people pleaser to the core and this just kills me. I’m learning that I can quote scripture til I’m blue in the face and they aren’t going to change. Nothing I can say or do will cause them to approve or understand this adoption. I can’t change them. What I haven’t learned yet, is to focus on God. Don’t look to the right or the left, even if my naysayers are there taunting me.

Blessings

Can I just say that God is making it clear that this is His adoption journey, His family, His child, His people, and His will to be completed in His timing? How do I know? Well, we should never have been approved in the 1st place. Then we should never have raised enough for the home study. Then when I was struggling to find the home study agency, another lady in the church sent out an email asking for prayers for her current adoption. I sent her an email asking for any info on an agency and by the end of the night she had me in touch with a man who doesn’t know me from Adam, but was willing to invest his own time into contacting several agencies for us. Within days we had approval to proceed with an accredited home study agency and are starting to move forward in that process. This morning as we walked in to church I mentioned to my mother in-law that I need more beads to finish some bracelet orders. Once inside I found a cute bag addressed to me with several packages of beads and a gift card inside. We’ve received amazing support from friends who felt called to contribute to our journey and have an ongoing prayer network spanning across the country. Even though we constantly have to justify what we’re doing and why we’re doing it this way, God continues to be faithful. Each of our followers, whether family, friend, or stranger, is a blessing. We feel your prayers and well-wishes. We know you’re with us on this journey and that this child or children are already in your hearts. Oh, have I mentioned that? There’s this box on the adoption application that you can check if you’re open to multiple children. Carey completed the rough draft application and I completed the final draft. When I got to that box, I felt a little tug in my heart. Just a little tug that said “what if there’s a sibling group? Are you going to say no to a sibling group?” I said a prayer and asked Carey, fully expecting him to say we can only handle one, and much to my surprise he said sure! So thank you for loving us and all of our children wherever they are, and being part of our journey.

Oops!

All of this time I thought hitting ENTER took me to the next line and created a new paragraph. Apparently not. Sorry about that folks. You’re still stuck with spelling and grammar mistakes but thanks to Tim, new blog posts will read a little less like a super long run on sentence.

While I’m here let me update you on our progress. We’re searching for a Hague Accredited Home study Agency to begin our home study process. We haven’t raised the money needed for the home study, but I’m trusting God to provide. There are many home study agencies out there, but because of our international adoption from Ethiopia, we need an agency with that accreditation. Basically, this was a treaty signed in 2000 to interfere with the crazy amount of child trafficking done through corrupt agencies. It’s in place to protect the children and make sure they weren’t stolen from an intact family and sold for a profit. I’m thankful this is required.

The home study process looks something like this:

Several interviews of prospective parents

Assessments of background, family history, medical history, social environment, reasons for adoption, ability to handle adoption

Assessment of physical, mental & emotional health and behavioral issues

Description of income, financial resources, debts and expenses

Criminal history, substance abuse, neglect

Detailed assessment of current living conditions

So basically a home study is an opportunity to be raked over the coals and make sure no stone is left unturned. I get the importance of the process and I’m glad to do it, but I’m not looking forward to it. Prayers are welcome at this time for funds to come in and a speedy home study process. This takes several months.

Part 2

I made ya wait a bit, didn't I? :) Yesterday was a busy day back to school day for Aisley and pretty emotional for Hayes. Much to my surprise, my big girl was calm, cool, and collected, while Hayes struggled to leave his sister behind. I had to drag him away from the classroom while he cried and yelled "Yuve you sissy! yuve you! yuve you sissy!" all the way down the hall. Precious babies. I have the most precious babies. Today was a little better. He didn't cry, but continued the loud professions of love. As you can imagine, nap time didn't go well, so I'm a day behind. My apologies.


There's so much on my mind tonight. First of all, we're just so incredibly grateful for the huge outreach of support from friends. We wouldn't be able to do this without your fb posts, emails, text messages, cards, and phone calls. I'm completely and totally reliant on you because, well, my faith isn't strong enough. I'm in this for sure, but there are so many times throughout the day when I already feel discouraged and I can't help but wonder how we're ever going to pull off an adoption. Fortunately, God reminds me that I can't, but He can. This is a battle in so many ways friends, and honestly we haven't even started. But looking at the big picture is so overwhelming, I just want to grab my two babies and bunker down in bed for all of eternity. Then God in all of His goodness reminds me that I don't have the spirit of timidity. When I approach the adoption with its huge price tag and small window of opportunity, without faith and hope, I approach it as a slave to this world. By the grace of God and through the blood of Christ Jesus, I can confidently move forward trusting God to sustain and provide for His will to be done. So I didn't hide out in bed today, I just repeated "Your grace is sufficient". That's all I know to do. When I focus on $36,000, it seems impossible. When I focus on His grace, anything seems possible. This is all I know to do and I'm still not very good at it.


Speaking of knowledge, I sure like to talk a lot about God. I hope that doesn't come across as a claim of knowing much about God, His will, or the Bible. Most of you know that I grew up in church, parted ways like most college kids my age, and came back after having kids. Some of you were shocked when all of a sudden I was a Bible-beating Radical and thought of me as a hypocrite. You're probably definitely right. God used our move to Cincinnati as a way to bring me back to Him. More on that later, but for now, let me be clear that I know nothing. I'm learning and growing as a toddler in my faith. A year from now I'll read back over these posts and wonder what in the world I was thinking. I'll be able to see the mistakes that you may see already. Bear with me as I mature. Forgive me as I continue to sin and rebel. My intentions aren't to be a hypocrite or a know-it-all. I'm just sorting through life as a new follower and not very good at it.


Part 2. For real this time...

Skin color. I've heard it many ways: "So, why Ethiopia?" or "why a black kid?" or "umm, you know she's gonna be black, right?” I never knew whether to knock some sense into them or just laugh at their ignorance. Either response is inappropriate because it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me. Why respond with anger? Because I've struggled with the skin color thing too and it upsets me. I'm ashamed that it was ever of question for me. I'm angry because I can relate to their question and I shouldn't be able to relate. I'm angry because I don't feel like I ever had a chance to decide whether or not skin color mattered, it was decided for me by our culture and society. Now, I'm begging you not to make this something it's not. I have black friends and I adore them. This isn't a prejudice or superior race issue. I totally believe that all men are created in the image of God, regardless of color. So if this is what I claim to believe, why is the skin color of my precious baby an issue? Because it's different. Because now I have to really make sure I truly take God at His word when He says all men are created in His image, even if it didn't feel that way growing up. Now I have to uproot any unspoken "rules" regarding race and make sure to cast out all of those demons. You see, I didn't actually believe I had an issue with skin color. After all, I have a brother adopted from South Korea. He has brown skin and there's something wrong with his eyes, but we never saw him as different in any way. (I'm kidding, y'all!) But the fact is that I've had to process through this kind of "different". I'm having to take inventory of my heart and purposely say "Biblically (whatever belief was projected on to me by society or culture) doesn't stand, so even though "that's the way it was"; I believe that it's not "the way it is".


The next response is the opposite of anger: laugh at their ignorance. Laughter in this situation is a mask denying prejudice still exists. Laughter shames the other person for pointing out something so obvious and hides the fact that I hadn't concreted my beliefs in this area.


Both anger and laughter are reactions to a question that needed to be addressed. I've prayed over it and thought over it, and I no longer need to react in either way. I can admit that there were boundaries placed by culture and society that I needed to sort through with a Biblical perspective. I'm not claiming that I ever had a problem with skin of any color, but I did simply accept things because I was told "that's just the way it is". I needed to understand the issues that will arise and be able to handle them appropriately. And I needed to make sure my heart was right so that I'm prepared for those who are coming at me with the race card. I know my heart is pure and I no longer have to defend our decision to adopt a child with a different skin color. I don't need to defend it because the issue isn't within me; it's within them and has been all along. My reaction of anger or laughter isn't going to show grace and love. They need a mature answer that proves I believe all of God's promises, even the promise that ALL men (not just white men) are created in God's image (not our image).



We can't pick and choose which parts of the Bible we like and are comfortable with. It's all or none. We believe that all men are created in the image of God just as we believe God sent HIs only son so that we may have everlasting life.


So when someone asks why we're adopting our precious, perfect, cherished, longed for, and well loved, child from Ethiopia, what will my response be? Maybe I'll just break into song...


Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight
Jesus loves the little children of the world!

Areas of concern

This one's gonna be tough. There are some underlying issues with this adoption that need to be addressed and some confessions that well, need to be confessed. My prayer is that God uses this post to reach into the far corners of the heart and sheds light on an area (or two) of discomfort. Two areas of concern here: finances and skin color.

"You have $20,000 worth of credit card debt and $250,000 worth of student loans. You need a new refrigerator, dishwasher, and your house is desperate for a paint job, what business do you have in adopting a child right now?" "You'll have plenty of money in the future, can't you just wait?" "Why do you have to be so impatient and impulsive?"

These are the words and thoughts of concerned family members. But do they worry because they don't trust our judgment? Or because they don't have faith that God will provide? Or because deep down they're afraid they will have to bail us out? Finances have always been tricky for us. I've explained the cost of the 13 residency interviews. I've mentioned the cost of moving across the country. There's also a price for me to stay at home with kiddos. Not to say we're smart with our money and haven't made mistakes, we certainly have. But we don't shop much or go on vacations often, or whatever else people spend money on. In fact, our biggest spending problem is food. Lots, and lots of food. I'm sure each of you have that same problem, eh? Now obviously, being that far behind isn't where anyone wants to stay long. Carey's working as many extra shifts as possible to play catch up and I babysit. Kind of. Well, not really. I keep our little friend 1 day a week and get paid entirely too much. Anyway, when God began putting adoption on our heart a year ago we were told to take care of debt. Several agencies recommended that we have a positive net worth before adopting. WHAT??? This was bitter sweet for us because it let us off the hook. We can't adopt right now anyway, might as well carry on with our comfortable life and avoid inconveince, sacrifice, and having to deny ourselves some of life's little pleasures.

But God wouldn't accept our excuses and made sure we saw it. Carey couldn't avoid adoption stories at work and they were in every magazine I picked up. God wouldn't accept our previous spending as an excuse. Even when the odds were against us, our adoption application was approved.

Now friends are fighting for our fundraising cause and money is coming in to cover the cost of this adoption. We can't help but to sit back and look at how God has been faithful in moving mountains so far. He's asked us to just show up and let Him work. When you have a God that does the impossible, are you really going to tell Him it's not the right time or I don't have enough saved for retirement? Show me where God mentions retirement in the Bible and I'll show you His commands to care for orphans. Prove to me that God prefers that we be debt-free before reaching out to others. Our transformation requires that we follow Jesus and try to live as he did. It's been clear to us that God isn't worried about our debt or how financially insecure we are. He's concerned for every single person that we're going to impact for His glory during this journey. He's concerned for those who are going to be called to give big and trust Him. For the Muslim on the plane next to us when we fly to Ethiopia. A non-believing facebook friend reading every status update. A social worker. A neighbor. He's concerned about growing our faith when the odds are stacked against us. And He's concerned with an orphan in Ethiopia. It boils down to this: God made it our business to adopt despite our financial situation. Stay tuned for part 2 tomorrow!

Welcome!

Now is a great time to welcome our new readers and 1 new follower ;)So, WELCOME!!! Let me take a moment to apologize in advance for the spelling and grammar errors. If I knew where the spell check button is on the new blogger page, I’d be more likely to use it. I also want to take a quick minute to recap what we’re up to these days. Our adoption application was approved against all odds and months before we were ready, so we are passionately working at fundraising efforts. I had a huge bin of beads left by my great-grandmother and even more given to me from a dear friend (thanks Katie!) so I knew that would be a great place to start an Etsy-worthy project. I’ve never made jewelry, so I’m painfully slow and don’t have a perfect product, but each bracelet I make and sell gets us so much closer to bring our child home from Ethiopia. Carey and I have been absolutely stunned by the encouragement and support of all of our friends, particularly of facebook. Many of my 100 bracelets sold over the weekend were totally strangers who saw our story on a friend’s facebook page. People are just seriously amazing me right now. In fact, it’s making me kind of nervous. I even had several people ASK Me if THEY could fundraise for me! How nuts is that? Yesterday I walked into a yogurt place with the kids and practically ran into a huge sign reading “LET US HELP YOU FUNDRAISE”. What? Really? It seems like God is all over this adoption story (duh) and totally has our back. Granted, I’m more likely to notice something like that these days, but common, that’s not a coincidence. So we’re off to a fantastic start in our goal to raise $20,000 for adoption costs. Too good of a start, I’m afraid. Oh ye of little faith (me), is beginning to wonder where the stumbling blocks and setbacks are. It’s common to hear of adoption stories being delayed and prolonged, I’ve never heard of one progressing smoothly and quickly. If you’ve prayed for us, don’t stop. If you stop and problems arise, I’ll totally blame you. ;)

Transparency

I feel like I’m receiving mixed reviews about the transparency of our situation. Some like the openness and honesty. Others think we’re airing out our dirty laundry for the whole world to see….and we pretty much are. I struggle with this too. It’s a pride thing. No one wants to be weak or vulnerable. We strive to live independent and outwardly flawless lives, don’t we? If we didn’t, someone might judge us. Or worse, we might have to admit that we’re actually not as good as we think we are. Ouch. When this back-and-forth conversation is going on in my head, one thing settles it. What will I give to bring our child home? Would I live a transparent life if it were Aisley or Hayes over there? You better your bottom I would. And I would repost my Etsy shop and GoFundMe page all over the cyber world and on every street corner until I got them home forever. What’s the difference with my Ethiopian child? There is none. God will humble me through every online plea and I’m OK with that. I’m fighting tooth and nail for the completion of our family through this adoption. God’s putting this stubbornness to work to bring Him glory instead of satisfying my own worldly desires. So be it if that means swallowing my pride and airing out my dirty laundry.  http://www.gofundme.com/watsonfamilyadoption

Disciples of all the nations

Wow. Were to begin? God is moving around here, for sure. Moving as in 20 bracelets sold at church this morning. Can you believe that??? Our church worship has brought me to tears many times over the last few months. Tears for a child that isn’t here yet. Tears for a child that in this very moment is dealing with a tragic separation from her mother. She’s never going to be the same. She’ll forever be separated from her land, her culture, her people. She’s not going to grow up with her God-designed family because of the consequence of sin. BUT fortunately God has mercy on his people and will bring her home with us, someday. During worship this morning I remembered that God is in those places too. They don’t know it and she doesn’t know it, but God (welcomed or not) is in that orphanage. Every single day I beg Him to put a peace in her tiny heart. To bless her with an ounce of hope. She doesn’t yet know what or who it is, but she will. Someday I’ll tell her how we all prayed diligently for her. For now, it’s so comforting to know that God is there. I also wondered this morning, if anyone was leading worship in her orphanage. Surely there’s a Christian orphanage in Ethiopia, right? But there are roughly 4.3 million orphans in Ethiopia as well. I cried thinking about those lost children and lost caregivers. Maybe one day I’ll be able to lead worship in an Ethiopian orphanage. You know, because I’m a super talent singer and musician.  You see, our journey won’t be over after the adoption. God tells us to make disciples of all the nations (Matthew 28:19) and he doesn’t want us to do that just once. So we pray that God is glorified through our adoption and lives are forever changed. Then we’ll do the next thing he asks, even if it involves leading worship in orphanages! God is also moving in the area of compassion. I consider myself to be a compassionate person, but this week has opened my eyes to another area where I needed to show more mercy. You see, every time I post about adoption on the blog, facebook, or our gofundme site, I’m basically begging for money. Do you know how hard it is to beg for money? It’s incredibly hard. I don’t like to ask for help, much less beg for money. I feel like the girl on the street corner with a cardboard sign, praying someone will have pity on me. I know, I know, many of you think she should get a job or give up drugs, or go to a shelter/safe house. Consider this: do you REALLY think she likes begging for money? She has no pride, no self-esteem, and no hope for her future. Even if it is a drug or alcohol problem, do you actually think she would choose that over a normal, middle class lifestyle? There are the few who abuse the system, I get that. Even then, why do they do it? My guess is they don’t know the love of Christ. They don’t have a Savior leading them away from lying, cheating, stealing, or addiction. Of course, begging for your support in our adoption journey is nothing like the problems of those on the streets. But if you think it’s easy to beg for money, you’re dead wrong. God is moving in me to have even more compassion for those begging on the streets. It’s not my position to judge why they’re begging, it’s my position to love them and let that love lead them to Christ. Thank you, thank you, to all of you who are sharing our story, buying bracelets, and donating. Thank you even more to those of you who are interceding for us in prayer. This fight isn’t about money; it’s about uniting an abandoned child with her forever family. It’s about being part of something bigger than each of us and fulfilling our role in a chain reaction that reaches to all the nations.

Ouch

I just sat down to review the next steps in our journey and they're going to be painful.Painful as in about $4,000. That means I need to sell 267 bracelets folks. Which at 30 minutes a bracelet, is 8,010 hours of work. That would be 334 days if I made 2 bracelets an hour for 24 hours without stopping. That's not going to happen. Not even close. But have no fear, I'm an idealist. I love dreaming up the impossible. And if I can't come up with something, I'll recruit bracelet makers. :)Please join us in praying for God's hand to move and for hearts to be open to our cause. Now, let's see what else is going on around here... Hayes: His vocabulary has exploded in the last week. It honestly is the most adorable thing to listen as he proudly points at something and says the word. He calls all other things "bink". I have no idea where that came from but he asks for bink, referes to bink, and has conversations about bink all of the time. Of the words he does know, they all end in T. Moont. Ament. Downt. He calls Aisley "sissy" and thinks she hung the moont. She's become somewhat annoyed by that in the last day or two though. Hayes is everything boy and loves to play vroom vrooms, dig in the dirt, play basketball, ride bikes (trike), drive his sister's barbie jeep into the deep, dark corners of the backyard, run around with sticks, and especially show you his amazing running and jumping skills. He still sucks his thumb most of the time and for now, goes to bed quite easily. That was not the case for the month of July, however. At bedtime he loves to review the names of my facial features (because now he know chint), give butterfly kisses, eskimo kisses, and make fish faces. His bedtime routine takes all of 2 minutes. He will pat the pillow beside his bed and say "night night, Momma. Night night" and it takes every ounce of me not to crawl in beside him and squeeze that sweet boy all night. He is a chunky, ornery, smelly, ball of precious energy that I can't get enough of. He also has an odd obsession with hats. Today he wore his dad's large sombrero, a princess helmet, and a cowboy hat, for much of the day. Not all at once, obviously. That boy loves bath time. Say the word and he'll drop everything run to the bath tub and be inside with the water running before I even hit the door. With all close and both shoes on, of course. He is sure to meet every passerby with a loud and cheerful hello, doesn't know a stranger, and will settle in anyone's lap if they are willing to read him a story. He adores his pets and any other animal he runs into. Hayes is also growing more fearful of heights by the day. Don't dare throw that boy up in the air, he'll be sure to make you regret it. Elmo is his favorite T.V show and his favorite toys are animals, tractors, cars, choo choos, and puzzles. His favorite songs are Twinkle Little Star and If you're Happy and You Know it. Ask him where Jesus lives and he'll point to his heart. He sure melts mine. Aisley: Oh my, this girl warms my heart. Now, some of what I'll say about her at this stage may seem negative, but it's not. I love and adore this child with my whole being, but I do need to document how she tortures us, just for future reference. :)My sweet Aisley prays all of the time and I love it. We pray over our meals, anytime we hear sirens or see ANY vehicle with lights on top-whether they are the water meter reader, electric company, or an emergency vehicle, and even if the lights are off. She's very much into princess stuff, dress up, playing barbies and babies, and anything girlie. She's super bossy and sassy, and drags her poor brother around dressing him up in butterfly headbands and clip-on earrings. She learned to read and spell her 1st word this summer: Z-O-O. She writes her first name and struggles with the S and E. She wishes her new sister was already here and calls orphans "orphadivers". This is really weird to me, is that like orphan and cadiver? Or maybe scubadiver? I'm going with that one...Aisley LOVES to sing and twirl and put on shows. With the windows open now, our neightbors are getting an earful!Her favorite color is pink. Someday she wants a car with pink and white polka dots, just like her favorite leggings. She refuses to go to sleep and comes downstairs every few minutes insisting that she just can't fall asleep. She's not much for digging in dirt, freaks out if her brother touches her with dirty hands, and refuses to touch random fuzz on the floor because it's "gross". She really is a demanding,prissy, drama queen, and I couldn't love her more. Aisley's favorite song is Matt Redman's 10,000 Reasons and she only knows this part "Bless the Lord, Oh my soul, Oo-oo-oh my soul". Her favorite movie is My Little Pony, she still carries her tattered, old lovie pony around, and she asks me all of the time when she'll get to be a grown up. Too soon, my love, too soon. Carey:He just returned from our neighbor's front porch where he's been sipping beverages for an hour. I could hear our neightbor's amazing laugh through the windows. He has the kind of laugh that makes you laugh when you hear it, even from across the street. I love to hear Mark laugh and I'm so grateful for awesome neighbors to laugh with. Carey performed surgery on 40 mice last week. He did 40 mouse transplant surgeries. Crazy, huh? He said that after doing surgery on a teeny, tiny mouse, humans should be easy. Right, except that there are 15 other people in the room with humans and we actually care that they live. I didn't mention that part to him though. I'll let him enjoy his no pressure, one-on-one mouse surgeries for a few years. He deserves that much. Sometime I'll fill y'all in on the crazy crap they have for these mice. Seriously high-tech stuff for lab mice these days. Back to Carey, he doesn't do any of his old stuff anymore. No watching football, studying at coffee shops, or going to the gym. If he sits, he sleeps. If he sits with the kids around, they crawl all over him while he sleeps. His favorite color is still green. He doesn't have a favorite movie because he hasn't seen one in ages, and his favorite song is Twinkle Little Star too. Because Hayes makes sure of it. He's given up all OCD tendancies for pure survival mode and just prays he'll keep his hair. :) Me: I'm not very exciting. I spend lots of time running circles around two cute kiddos, avoiding laundry, and walking dogs. This summer consisted of swimming pools, sprinkler parties, and parks. I garden when I can, craft when I can, and facebook too often. My favorite color is turquoise, I don't watch t.v. or movies, and my favorite song is anything not on that blasted toddler CD. I have to regain musical authority in my car before my theme song becomes Farmer and the Dale. That just can't happen. There you have it. Complete updates on all four of us. My, aren't we fascinating!

faithfulness, humility, and the lack thereof....

My sweet, sweet Aisley is starting to ask those challenging questions: who made God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit? Where do they live? Where do angels live? What do they do? Can just die when you die so we can go to heaven together? Can we just not talk about dying anymore and talk about ring-around-the roses instead? (She explained that talking about dying makes her feel worried and nervous.) I wasn’t prepared for these questions. I really thought I’d have 2 more years until this type of conversation came about. Lastly she asked if our orphan from Africa is growing in my belly. Now this is all so funny and cute until I have to explain the sad, sad, truth. How do you teach a 4 year old that her baby brother or sister is going to be born of another mother and then some tragic event will cause her to be permanently separated from her birthparents? I’m guilty of shielding my kids from the cruel realities of the world and sugarcoating life to avoid the “hard stuff”. Isn’t it that only natural? But now it’s important for her to understand in her own little way, what her sibling will have to experience before getting to come home. This also means that I have to step out of my comfort zone and face what my child could be experiencing right now. Pray for her early years, will you? Earlier this week Carey and I began to really explore fundraising options. I realized just how difficult raising money for adoption will be. It’s extremely hard to announce to people that our family has made a decision to adopt, but we are totally and completely reliant on their financial assistance. It’s hard to put pride aside and ask for help. It’s hard to face the possibility of rejection when someone doesn’t share this vision with us and just says no. And it’s hard to imagine and risk failure. What if we can’t raise the money? We won’t be able to bring our child home, to save her from her miserable orphanage and bring her into our loving home? And how do you give back the money you have earned? What if you’ve already paid the adoption agency and can’t get a refund, how will your donors feel when there’s no adoption and no reimbursement? This is a way that God is humbling me and growing my faith. I believe this is one of many ways He’ll grow us through our adoption journey and we’re grateful that each of you are in this with us.

Against all odds

By the grace of God our adoption application was APPROVED! It wasn't pretty. It was downright embarrassing. As I looked over it last night I was reminded again that we would need divine intervention for any of this to work out. I’m happy to say that it can only be God’s will for us to move forward because no one in their right mind would have approved us. Thanks to each one of you who prayed on our behalf and are traveling this road with us. We’re going to need you!

Bracelet Fundraiser

My dear, sweet, and so very talented friend Brooke, offered to photograph our fundraising bracelet! Didn't she do an amazing job? Makes ya just have to have one, huh?

Click on the bracelet to the left to enter my Etsy shop and buy a few to give as gifts. All sales go directly to our adoption fund.

Wanna watch our fund-o-meter reach $20,000? Click the donation link to the left and follow our story as God moves people to bring our baby home!

Wow. Weren't those precious? Checkout more of Brooke's work and thank her for being part of our adoption community! http://www.facebook.com/brookejagomullins#!/BrookeMullinsPhotography

Here goes nothin!

Yikes! The application is in and paid for! So exciting and so much pressure. This morning I realized that I'll be living in fear of rejection for the next 2 years. We'll just say 2 years, but we all know that we only have 1 year and 10 months for this to work. Not that I'm counting or anything. I feel that many people are asking "what about the two kids you already have? What about Aisley and Hayes?". That's an easy one. Aisly is super excited to have a sister to play with and Hayes couldn't care less. Living out what God has asked us to do will allow Him to teach them so many lessons that we couldn't teach them. Plus, what would it say about who God is and our faith if we didn't follow this calling? If we didn't do this we would be telling our kids that it's ok to ignore God's prompting if it's hard or uncomfortable. We might as well say that we don't believe God's plan is better or that we don't have the faith to trust Him. Even if we "fail" at this attempt to adopt, Aisley and Hayes will see that following God's command is a priority, takes faith, and that God is in control. These are things I want to model to my kids. Alright, moving on. The next step is to wait about a week to see if our application is approved. If it's not approved, then we'll take a step back, pay off debt and pray. Our next opportunity to adopt won't be for 7-9 years, so we'll have lots of time to adjust. If we are approved, then we will viciously attack fundraising so that we can pay the $20,000 worth of fees. If we are approved, please pray for our fundraising events. It will take divine intervention and God moving hearts in big ways to raise that kind of money. Praying will be the best way to support our family.

Adoption or bust!

Have you ever felt like you were supposed to do something? Something that you wouldn’t ordinarily do because it is a little uncomfortable or maybe even risky? Did you try to run and hide? Pretend you didn’t notice? Convince the voice in your head that it’s totally not the right time for that? That’s exactly how our adoption story begins. The Holy Spirit started at me last January. Maybe earlier, I just didn’t listen. But January is when I could no long ignore Him. Now, most of you know how stubborn I am. So I’m fortunate to love a patient and merciful God who is the maker of all hardheaded and dense beings…like me. God loves to teach me lessons in persistence and because I have a tendency to say NO Way, He lovingly and deliberately beats me over the head with the same idea until I finally surrender. The lesson I’ve learned and am still learning? God is far more persistent and strong-willed than I could ever be. So a series of events continued to occur for many months before Carey and I sat down and seriously considered adoption. We were finally ready to check out the whole adoption thing and jump in. But there were many stumbling blocks: cost of adoption, positive net worth (umm…so doctors can’t adopt until they’re like 60 then?) not to mention the restriction of certain mental health medications (this would be a good time to admit Carey and I aren’t as sane and perfect as we seem. What??? You never ONCE thought that about us? Humph!) and lastly, there’s a travel requirement that isn’t exactly resident-friendly. We are required to go to Ethiopia twice towards the end of the process. 1st trip is an appearance in court and to meet your child. 2nd trip is to actually bring that baby home for good! You’re usually not given a whole lot of notice before these two trips and we knew that would be an issue once Carey is out of the research years and in the role of Chief Resident (yay!). So basically, the odds were stacked against us and the only logical thing to do was to pay off all bad debt and see if any agency would listen to us plea about student loans. I think that plan actually satisfied Carey, who was not exactly in the position during his “80 hour” work weeks (yeah, right) to mentally or emotionally prepare for adoption. I however, was not satisfied. Go figure. I need to check with several agencies to make sure there was no way of beginning now. Sadly, they confirmed my fear and gave Carey many months to adjust and prepare for adoption. Isn’t it nice how great God’s timing is? So I tried to drop the subject and wait patiently. And by that I mean, I only mentioned it a few times a week instead of a few times an hour.  After starting to feel really discouraged, one day Carey finally said (totally out of the blue without any prompting or pouting from me) that he felt led and ready to begin the process. So we crunched numbers and glanced over the timeline and prayed, prayed, and prayed some more. He picked up as many moonlighting shifts as possible and we went back through our list of agencies. We set a goal to pay off credit cards and then try again. But I didn’t feel at peace about waiting this time. I couldn’t escape the sense that I needed to look deeper, try harder. My heart began to break for this child I know is over there waiting for her Momma. It started to become very real that my baby is huddled on a mat with 2 other kids without knowing that we’re coming. My baby goes through her day not being held, kissed, read to, loved on, or cherished. And that my friend, was just too much for this Momma and Daddy to bear. The Holy Spirit really did a number on us that time. Just broke our hearts. So I researched more and out of the clear blue sky, an agency I hadn’t seen before popped up! Just like magic! The agency fit our desires of being a Christian agency and held the appropriate credentials we insist upon. I thought, “Ok. This is it. This is the last thing I can do and if we’re rejected, then we’ll just have to wait another 9 years.” On Friday I wrote the executive director the shortest and most open email I could about our situation. I resisted the urge to beg, plea, and cry to him to accept us and give us our baby (because he’s got her locked up in the closet just waiting to be released, obviously)! And I started counting the minutes until he would be back in the office and respond to my message. Sunday we went to church and I cried, of course, for this baby girl and her suffering. I checked my email without much hope of a response and OH MY GOODNESS!!! There in my inbox was a message from the agency. I would’ve fallen over if I hadn’t been sitting. I know my heart skipped a beat and my stomach flew to my throat. This was it. This would determine our adoption story. “I think you can begin [the adoption process] now. Given your husband’s earning potential I think we could approve you in one of several programs.” I couldn’t talk. I could only get out gasps of air and weird sounds. I was prepared for rejection. I was prepared to wait 9 years when we were more stable. I was prepared to be told to pay off all bad debt and try again later, like all of the other agencies told us. Amazing isn’t it, how just a little encouragement restores your hope? We came home and Carey immediately started filling out the application and looking over details. We had been praying and hoping to know why God put this desire in our hearts, especially if we would have to wait so long to begin the process. Now we’re thrown to the opposite side of the car as this rollercoaster makes a sudden turn and begins the uphill climb. We went from being forced to take our time and apply later, which would give us lots of time to save and fundraise, to start now with no time to save and fundraise. As much faith as it’s going to take to round up the money, I much prefer to begin our journey now and get this baby home. So that’s it, that’s the beginning of our adoption story. We have every intention of displaying all of the process, emotion, and work that makes our story, right here on the blog. Please know that we want to be totally open about this so that our friends and family live this journey with us. It’s important to have your support and encouragement and even more important that you start to build a bond with our future child. You are thousands of miles away, but she needs you just as much as she needs us. You are her grandparents and great-grandparents. Her cousins, aunts, uncles, and neighbors. Most importantly, you are her prayer warriors and her village. Just as your love and care for Aisley and Hayes, you are beginning to love and care for her. While we will do so, so, much fundraising through our blog, family and friends don’t feel guilted into giving. All we ask is that you will support our journey through encouragement and prayers. We’ll leave the rest up to God!

Announcement!

Some of you may already know this and some of you will be totally shocked: we've decided to adopt. Actually, we've always wanted to adopt, but God has really brought it front and center within the last year. I've contemplated this post and written it in my head a million times. This is nowhere near what I thought it would say. I wanted to be really pumped up and excited or sometimes I wanted to be totally defensive and rebuke the naysayers from the get go. Tonight, I just don't have the energy to do either one. So I'll keep it simple and stick to the facts. Here they are: We want to adopt a young boy or girl from Ethiopia. (Aisley just chipped in and insists that I say she wants a baby sister and her name should be Broom) We are completely and totally open to a waiting child. Also called a "special needs" child. I'll fill you in on that later. It's probably not what you think. The adoption process usually takes several years. You have to be financially secure to adopt and we are not. Yep, that's the truth. BUT we are working like crazy to pay off bad debt and will fundraise to help cover the cost of the adoption. Ethiopian adoption costs $30,000-36,000. So why are we doing this? Well, that is probably the simplest part of all of this. When I get overwhelmed and discouraged I remember that God put adoption on our hearts. And before He did that, He commanded that we (as in, all of His people) care for orphans: Deuteronomy 24 (NIV) 19 When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back to get it. Leave it for the alien, the fatherless and the widow, so that the LORD your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. 20 When you beat the olives from your trees, do not go over the branches a second time. Leave what remains for the alien, the fatherless and the widow. 21 When you harvest the grapes in your vineyard, do not go over the vines again. Leave what remains for the alien, the fatherless and the widow. 22 Remember that you were slaves in Egypt. That is why I command you to do this. Matthew 25 34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.' Isaiah 1 (NIV) 17 learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow And of course: James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. There are others as well, but that was a long enough Bible lesson for today, huh? By the way, Aisley is memorizing James 1:27. This is her version: Religion that God likes is to care for the "orphanizers" and "wittles" and don't act like the world. Close enough for now! :) So there you have it. We're excited about adopting, but know it will be a long, hard journey. I hope to be able to apply by Christmas, but Carey isn't so sure that's a realistic goal. I've never been known for being realistic, so I'm going to stick with my optimistic goal. I'll keep you updated on our progress. I'm working on a donations website for those of you who want to help orphans without adopting. Donations are great, but prayers are even better. We'll need lots in the years to come!