I can’t pretend that I know anything about the trauma and grief that the people in CT are living and feeling today. I can’t assume that I mourn with them or relate on any level. I cannot. And I can’t attempt to explain why God allowed this horrific tragedy to happen. I absolutely cannot fathom the depth of knowledge (for lack of a better word) of my God. I know He is sovereign Every. Single. Day. That is what I can cling to during times like this.
Another thing I can’t do is discuss gun control. I have strong opinions regarding this but honestly, don’t go there with me for a while. These families deserve so much more than to turn this tragedy into a political quarrel. Even more important than that, God deserves so much more. How quickly we jump to gun control and ignore the absence of God in our lives! Do you really think taking away a gun is going to solve the issue of violence? Fellow brother and sister in Christ, I’m looking you dead in the eyes and challenging you! Was Jesus concerned with weapons? Would He handle this situation this way? No, I don’t believe this is the approach He’d take. I believe He’d have us repent and pray. Prayer? You know that thing you can still do anytime, anywhere, for anyone?
Yes, I’m fired up. I’m angry at the situation, the response to the situation, and myself. I write this post out of personal conviction knowing that I’ve felt convicted to set up a prayer group at my daughter’s preschool for a year now. Did I? No. Do you pray for your child’s school, students, and staff? We may not have prayer in school, but you can’t stop me from praying for the school. Hear me clearly now, I am in no way implying that this event occurred because the CT school wasn’t being prayed over. Neither am I hoping that prayer will prevent bad things from happening. However, I do believe in the power of prayer and if I do not begin praying over my daughter’s school, it’s out of obvious selfishness and rebellion against God. I’d like to challenge you reader, to consider praying over your school. Last year I began to pray for Aisley’s school on my own using this resource: http://www.momsintouch.org/
You can use any format, organization, or group that you want. The point is to gather in the name of Christ and pray faithfully over the school, staff, and children. Begin with an attitude of reverence and thanksgiving for the school, praising God for all of our blessings. Then cover the school in prayer not only for safety from terrible situations, but for the children’s’ innocence, salvation, courage, integrity, health, and kind hearts. Pray that the staff will have renewed patience, gentleness, kindness, strength, and tolerance. Pray for each person’s family and home life. Pray for specific situations as they arise.
Why wouldn’t we pray for the people who spend most of the day with our children? Why wouldn’t we be concerned with the home life of the peers who directly influence our precious children? Can’t we see how they encourage and nurture each other or bully and torment each other?
Pardon me for wondering why we’re so quick to blame gun control when we should really be doing a little Christian soul searching. Maybe if we focused more on what we as individuals should be doing, we wouldn’t have to argue about guns.
I have to conclude that as a Christian who is humbly and imperfectly trying to live a Biblical life, if I’m worried about gun control, I’m not focused on the right thing. Today, out of respect for the victims in CT and in trust that God uses all things for our good and His glory, I’m committing to doing my part to make something good of this situation. Tomorrow I will approach our preschool and join an existing prayer group or begin one. I hope you will consider doing the same. The above link offers awesome resources for this kind of group. Let’s makes some real and permanent changes for the Kingdom, friends. Let’s focus our hearts not on what’s seen, but what is unseen.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Updates...again.
Blogging is very intimidating! Part of me thinks “My! Aren’t you full of yourself? Throwing your opinions out there as if anyone really wants to read them!” Another part of me is totally defeated by comparison to spiritually mature bloggers who have wisdom and experience to back their opinions. For now, I’ll continue to sort through life, parenting, adoption, and faith the best I can for those of you who choose to follow. Maybe you’ll learn from my mistakes. :)
On to the exciting news: the whole in the wall is done! YAY! We no longer have a live electrical wire dangling from the ceiling or chunks of plaster falling from the walls. It’s beautiful and FINISHED! Even better is the fact that we PASSED our fire inspection! This is HUGE, y’all!
Want more? We’ve completed all of our online training and are 95% finished with all paperwork! Can you believe it? I can’t. I never thought I’d get through that personal profile. Yuck!
It’s becoming very real now. Here’s what lies ahead:
Wrap up the home study:
We’ll meet with our case worker several times, do a home safety inspection, and pray that he approves us for adoption. If he approves us we’ll move to the next step. If he doesn’t, we’ll humbly send letters of apology and return checks to our kind supporters. But I’m confident this is God’s route for us, so let’s move on to the next step.
Dossier:
This is a whole mess of paperwork very similar to what was submitted for the home study, but in more detail. Copies of bank statements, proof of ownership, certified and notarized this, that, and the other. It’s a long list of things that don’t require me to psychoanalyze myself and for that, I’m grateful. Once everything is perfect, the home study and dossier will be sent to the Ethiopian Embassy for authentication and translation.
Then we wait for a referral. I’ve decided not to discuss the referal until our home study is approved. I don’t want to get too far ahead.
For now, please join us in praying for a successful and approved home study!
On to the exciting news: the whole in the wall is done! YAY! We no longer have a live electrical wire dangling from the ceiling or chunks of plaster falling from the walls. It’s beautiful and FINISHED! Even better is the fact that we PASSED our fire inspection! This is HUGE, y’all!
Want more? We’ve completed all of our online training and are 95% finished with all paperwork! Can you believe it? I can’t. I never thought I’d get through that personal profile. Yuck!
It’s becoming very real now. Here’s what lies ahead:
Wrap up the home study:
We’ll meet with our case worker several times, do a home safety inspection, and pray that he approves us for adoption. If he approves us we’ll move to the next step. If he doesn’t, we’ll humbly send letters of apology and return checks to our kind supporters. But I’m confident this is God’s route for us, so let’s move on to the next step.
Dossier:
This is a whole mess of paperwork very similar to what was submitted for the home study, but in more detail. Copies of bank statements, proof of ownership, certified and notarized this, that, and the other. It’s a long list of things that don’t require me to psychoanalyze myself and for that, I’m grateful. Once everything is perfect, the home study and dossier will be sent to the Ethiopian Embassy for authentication and translation.
Then we wait for a referral. I’ve decided not to discuss the referal until our home study is approved. I don’t want to get too far ahead.
For now, please join us in praying for a successful and approved home study!
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
How about an adoption update?
I wish I could give you more, but there really is no news. We’re so close to finishing up paperwork and training and should get the remodeling done in the next week or two. I’m not sure if I’ve actually explained much about the paperwork I keep mentioning, so let me elaborate. Carey and I have to be cleared at the local, state, and federal levels in regards to child endangerment history or any other criminal record. We submit all financial statements, bank statements, proof of house, car, medical, insurance, proof that insurance will cover the adopted child, proof of life insurance, proof of employment, tax documents, proof of pet vaccinations, medical statements for all four of us, 7 lengthy referrals, many notarized forms, individual profiles, 10 hours of online training, and the super difficult educational workbook. Once we’ve completed and gathered everything we’re required to submit, we’ll have a fire inspection done, and finally start meeting with our caseworker and he’ll do the home safety audit.
I’ve had friends who flew through this process and didn’t have a single bump in the road. I am certainly not that person.
For instance: there were about 25 cans of paint stored in our basement within a few feet of the water heater and furnace. Oops! There were “dangerous” items in every room of our house: screws, scissors, tools, medicine, cleaning products. Obviously they weren’t in a place where my kiddos could get them, but they all have to be stored appropriately and locked. I had to remove the old fashion hinge locks from the closets upstairs and remove the pile of toys, shoes, and jackets typically stored at the foot of the stairs because the interfere with our fire escape route.
Fire escape route? Yes. They should be posted on each level of the house and there should be proof of routine fire drills. Aisley did not handle this well. In her sweet little mind, the thought of a fire ever causing her to climb out her bedroom window had never occurred. Terrified. Yes, she is. I’ve damaged my child.
Also, let me say that the amount of personal reflection required through our workbook is gruesome. Everyone has some sort of baggage from their past, it’s what shapes us as a person, giving us unique approaches and contributions to life. I just wasn’t aware of some of my baggage. Not only have I damaged my child, now I’m ripping open my own wounds and pouring salt in them. Ok, that was totally exaggerated. :) The reflection part hasn’t been easy, but I think it will be helpful in understanding and adapting to the needs of my loved ones.
Finally, we have updates on finances. I hesitate to mention this because it’s such a tiny issue and there’s so much more to our adoption story than stinkin’ money, but I truly believe that this is an area where God is going to move mountains and I want to be careful to give Him all of the glory for our success. In order to do that, it’s important to be as humble as possible and plainly state that He has brought in enough through Carey’s extra shifts, donations, bracelet sales to cover all home study related fees, repair the wall and electrical issue, and put down new flooring. (Flooring: this is a new problem and it’s totally not cosmetic. Last year I had enough of the stinky, stained carpet in our living room. I took it upon myself to impulsively rip it up and take a chance on what was below. Luckily, there was beautiful, original, wood flooring below, but it was parquet wood tiling. We hoped it would last a few years but one by one, the 72 year old tiles popped up, cracked, and broke. We tried all sorts of different adhesive techniques, and finally had to admit defeat last week when we realized the floor was a major safety issue because of its uneven surface and risk of asbestos. Fortunately, we live in a tiny house and won’t be buying thousands of square feet of flooring!)
We still have a huge hurdle ahead of us: home study approval. We were approved to apply for adoption, now we have to have home study approval to move forward. Once we start meeting with our caseworker, he’ll evaluate our mental, emotional, physical, and financial, ability to adopt. I hope I’m not ahead of myself or deceived in saying that I’m confident that we’ll pass 3 out of those four areas. My faith is in God as He continues to mature us and provide for us financially.
Continue to remember our journey in prayer, especially our little one in waiting. Thanks, friends!
I wish I could give you more, but there really is no news. We’re so close to finishing up paperwork and training and should get the remodeling done in the next week or two. I’m not sure if I’ve actually explained much about the paperwork I keep mentioning, so let me elaborate. Carey and I have to be cleared at the local, state, and federal levels in regards to child endangerment history or any other criminal record. We submit all financial statements, bank statements, proof of house, car, medical, insurance, proof that insurance will cover the adopted child, proof of life insurance, proof of employment, tax documents, proof of pet vaccinations, medical statements for all four of us, 7 lengthy referrals, many notarized forms, individual profiles, 10 hours of online training, and the super difficult educational workbook. Once we’ve completed and gathered everything we’re required to submit, we’ll have a fire inspection done, and finally start meeting with our caseworker and he’ll do the home safety audit.
I’ve had friends who flew through this process and didn’t have a single bump in the road. I am certainly not that person.
For instance: there were about 25 cans of paint stored in our basement within a few feet of the water heater and furnace. Oops! There were “dangerous” items in every room of our house: screws, scissors, tools, medicine, cleaning products. Obviously they weren’t in a place where my kiddos could get them, but they all have to be stored appropriately and locked. I had to remove the old fashion hinge locks from the closets upstairs and remove the pile of toys, shoes, and jackets typically stored at the foot of the stairs because the interfere with our fire escape route.
Fire escape route? Yes. They should be posted on each level of the house and there should be proof of routine fire drills. Aisley did not handle this well. In her sweet little mind, the thought of a fire ever causing her to climb out her bedroom window had never occurred. Terrified. Yes, she is. I’ve damaged my child.
Also, let me say that the amount of personal reflection required through our workbook is gruesome. Everyone has some sort of baggage from their past, it’s what shapes us as a person, giving us unique approaches and contributions to life. I just wasn’t aware of some of my baggage. Not only have I damaged my child, now I’m ripping open my own wounds and pouring salt in them. Ok, that was totally exaggerated. :) The reflection part hasn’t been easy, but I think it will be helpful in understanding and adapting to the needs of my loved ones.
Finally, we have updates on finances. I hesitate to mention this because it’s such a tiny issue and there’s so much more to our adoption story than stinkin’ money, but I truly believe that this is an area where God is going to move mountains and I want to be careful to give Him all of the glory for our success. In order to do that, it’s important to be as humble as possible and plainly state that He has brought in enough through Carey’s extra shifts, donations, bracelet sales to cover all home study related fees, repair the wall and electrical issue, and put down new flooring. (Flooring: this is a new problem and it’s totally not cosmetic. Last year I had enough of the stinky, stained carpet in our living room. I took it upon myself to impulsively rip it up and take a chance on what was below. Luckily, there was beautiful, original, wood flooring below, but it was parquet wood tiling. We hoped it would last a few years but one by one, the 72 year old tiles popped up, cracked, and broke. We tried all sorts of different adhesive techniques, and finally had to admit defeat last week when we realized the floor was a major safety issue because of its uneven surface and risk of asbestos. Fortunately, we live in a tiny house and won’t be buying thousands of square feet of flooring!)
We still have a huge hurdle ahead of us: home study approval. We were approved to apply for adoption, now we have to have home study approval to move forward. Once we start meeting with our caseworker, he’ll evaluate our mental, emotional, physical, and financial, ability to adopt. I hope I’m not ahead of myself or deceived in saying that I’m confident that we’ll pass 3 out of those four areas. My faith is in God as He continues to mature us and provide for us financially.
Continue to remember our journey in prayer, especially our little one in waiting. Thanks, friends!
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Christmas with toddlers
So, how's your Christmas shopping going? Is anyone else torn to pieces this time of year when it comes to spending and giving? You'd think after all of my ranting about the poverty crises of the world, that I wouldn't have much of a battle, but I do. I really do. I LOVE giving gifts. I especially love giving them to a rotten pair of toddlers around here. But about 5o thousand times a day I kick, trip over, and sit on, an abundance of toys. Check the crevasses of my couch and you’ll find a dozen pet shop critters, handfuls of legos, and a remote or two. All of this along with the mounds of toys in the basement and closets prove that we DO NOT need any more toys. And yet…there will be toys for Christmas. Unless Aisley gets her way and Santa brings her a white pony. (Dear Santa, she’s already got a white pony. See picture below.)
Fortunately for me, the grandparents are all awesome gift givers. That leaves only a few things for us to give from Santa. This year Santa is bringing the Let’s Play School Doll from Nenuco and Alphie the learning robot. Santa and the grandparents will undoubtedly score major points as Aisley is now old enough to realize that Mom and Dad only added to the book collection. So lame.
This year I’ve decided to involve the kids in the thrill of giving gifts by hanging a few extra stockings on the mantel. Aisley will have the privilege of praying for and filling the stocking of her sponsored friend from Ethiopia; Elsie, the sweet little lady across the street; and our dear friend Ron, a special needs man we adore from a block over. She’ll pick out a sweet treat and small gift for each of the neighbors and several tiny treasures to send to Ethiopia. These aren’t big tasks, but hopefully over time she’ll create Christmas memories that are Christ centered instead of self centered. What are some ways you teach the true meaning of Christmas to your toddlers?
Fortunately for me, the grandparents are all awesome gift givers. That leaves only a few things for us to give from Santa. This year Santa is bringing the Let’s Play School Doll from Nenuco and Alphie the learning robot. Santa and the grandparents will undoubtedly score major points as Aisley is now old enough to realize that Mom and Dad only added to the book collection. So lame.
This year I’ve decided to involve the kids in the thrill of giving gifts by hanging a few extra stockings on the mantel. Aisley will have the privilege of praying for and filling the stocking of her sponsored friend from Ethiopia; Elsie, the sweet little lady across the street; and our dear friend Ron, a special needs man we adore from a block over. She’ll pick out a sweet treat and small gift for each of the neighbors and several tiny treasures to send to Ethiopia. These aren’t big tasks, but hopefully over time she’ll create Christmas memories that are Christ centered instead of self centered. What are some ways you teach the true meaning of Christmas to your toddlers?
Giving Tuesday
It's Giving Tuesday! Why not give AND receive? Start buy filling stockings with our adoption bracelet. Click on our etsy link to shop with meaning!
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Sheep or Goats?
If you’re getting tired of reading about my convictions and how we should give to the poor, well, you might as well skip to my next post. Maybe it’ll make you feel nice and fuzzy inside. :)
For several months I’ve struggled with convictions about loving my neighbor as myself and giving to the least of these. I, for one, do not want to be one of the goats to the left. I’ve also struggled with how to love the Lord your God, with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your strength, while maintaining my existing priorities. And where exactly is my heart if my treasure is in my children? Paul’s life demonstrated clearly that to live is Christ. What does my life demonstrate? To live is… food? Sleeping? Bible studies? Throw a little James in there and a sermon series on stewardship and I’m a wrecked ship!
Now, let’s get one thing out of the way. This isn’t a salvation issue. There’s grace, faith, and works. For a while now, God has been addressing the works. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve prayed for guidance in this department or combed over scripture looking for clear answers. Forgive me for repetition of the word struggle. I really don’t know how else to describe it. As I ran through scripture and visualized the early church, my struggle only deepened. It seems to me that when you consider the teaching of the gospels, study the context in which they are written, breakdown their Hebrew and Greek origins… certain passages still read the same.
Granted, a few minor details have changed with the times, but I can’t seem to get past the fact that if I love God with all of my heart, but don’t love His people as myself, then I kinda don’t really love God with all of my heart. This bothers me, which is a good sign, so I pray for God to break my heart and open my eyes. You know, the same lyrics we all sing in the car, but secretly hope God won’t really act on. Well actually, at first I had to pray for God to give me the desire to pray for those things because I didn’t truly want to pray to feel the pain of others. He heard this request and granted it. Soon I sincerely begged for God to open my eyes and break my heart for others. This too, He granted.
Combine a broken heart for others with total confusion of the New Testament and you get my ship wreck. I’m at a place where I’m totally uncomfortable claiming my devotion to this amazing, incredible, sovereign God, while turning my back on His hurting people and clear commands to care for them. But what does this look like in my life? Am I truly called to surrender all?
This discussion came up recently and left me further in a hole. If God loves us, does He want us to give so much that we can’t take care of ourselves? Do we serve more than we tend to our children? Is it wrong to save and plan for the future? That evening left me with more questions and deeper conviction. I would like to think that God finally led me to this conclusion: He asks differently of each of us at different times. How much more can He be glorified when we’re asked to give in the most inconvenient times? Since we each have our own timelines it makes perfect sense that my answers didn’t align with others’ during the discussion. It doesn’t make anyone right or wrong.
As for my own conviction, tonight before writing I “stumbled upon” 1 John 3:16-18:
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
I know for certain that I’m going to live this out imperfectly. I know that I still rely heavily on emotion and that interferes with my ability to listen and obey when the Holy Spirit nudges me. I also know that I’m young, naïve, and unsettled in many ways, and these will sometimes make it a little easier to give in to impulse and resist the status quo if asked to do so. My goal is to make it a habit now to put others before myself and resist the urge to get comfortable in life. No comfort here is worth being a goat on the left.
:)
For several months I’ve struggled with convictions about loving my neighbor as myself and giving to the least of these. I, for one, do not want to be one of the goats to the left. I’ve also struggled with how to love the Lord your God, with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your strength, while maintaining my existing priorities. And where exactly is my heart if my treasure is in my children? Paul’s life demonstrated clearly that to live is Christ. What does my life demonstrate? To live is… food? Sleeping? Bible studies? Throw a little James in there and a sermon series on stewardship and I’m a wrecked ship!
Now, let’s get one thing out of the way. This isn’t a salvation issue. There’s grace, faith, and works. For a while now, God has been addressing the works. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve prayed for guidance in this department or combed over scripture looking for clear answers. Forgive me for repetition of the word struggle. I really don’t know how else to describe it. As I ran through scripture and visualized the early church, my struggle only deepened. It seems to me that when you consider the teaching of the gospels, study the context in which they are written, breakdown their Hebrew and Greek origins… certain passages still read the same.
Granted, a few minor details have changed with the times, but I can’t seem to get past the fact that if I love God with all of my heart, but don’t love His people as myself, then I kinda don’t really love God with all of my heart. This bothers me, which is a good sign, so I pray for God to break my heart and open my eyes. You know, the same lyrics we all sing in the car, but secretly hope God won’t really act on. Well actually, at first I had to pray for God to give me the desire to pray for those things because I didn’t truly want to pray to feel the pain of others. He heard this request and granted it. Soon I sincerely begged for God to open my eyes and break my heart for others. This too, He granted.
Combine a broken heart for others with total confusion of the New Testament and you get my ship wreck. I’m at a place where I’m totally uncomfortable claiming my devotion to this amazing, incredible, sovereign God, while turning my back on His hurting people and clear commands to care for them. But what does this look like in my life? Am I truly called to surrender all?
This discussion came up recently and left me further in a hole. If God loves us, does He want us to give so much that we can’t take care of ourselves? Do we serve more than we tend to our children? Is it wrong to save and plan for the future? That evening left me with more questions and deeper conviction. I would like to think that God finally led me to this conclusion: He asks differently of each of us at different times. How much more can He be glorified when we’re asked to give in the most inconvenient times? Since we each have our own timelines it makes perfect sense that my answers didn’t align with others’ during the discussion. It doesn’t make anyone right or wrong.
As for my own conviction, tonight before writing I “stumbled upon” 1 John 3:16-18:
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
I know for certain that I’m going to live this out imperfectly. I know that I still rely heavily on emotion and that interferes with my ability to listen and obey when the Holy Spirit nudges me. I also know that I’m young, naïve, and unsettled in many ways, and these will sometimes make it a little easier to give in to impulse and resist the status quo if asked to do so. My goal is to make it a habit now to put others before myself and resist the urge to get comfortable in life. No comfort here is worth being a goat on the left.
:)
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